Autogynephilia | ContraPoints

[drone] ♫ Myself I shall adore
♫ If I persist in gazing ♫ If I persist in gazing [drone] ♫ In ga-a-a-a [drone] ♫ Ga-a-a-a-a-azing In 1989 a sex researcher named Ray Blanchard
published a controversial, provocative, politically incorrect theory claiming that transgender
women are not, as custom has it, essentially female souls accidentally born in male bodies. Instead, he claimed, they are men of two types:
gay men who love straight men, and straight men who love themselves. For the latter condition, Blanchard coined
the term “autogynephilia,” new Greek for love of oneself as a woman. It’s a theory that contradicts what almost
all trans women say and believe about themselves, and affirms the common prejudice that trans
people are really just sex perverts, which, okay, some of us are, but not for the reasons
Blanchard says— ♫♫♫ 1: Just What the Hell do I think I’m doing Rest assured, in this video I am going to
argue that Blanchard’s theory is false. But a lot of trans women are probably nervously
wondering why I’m using my platform to potentially increase awareness of a sinister fringe theory
that only adds to the stigma we all already face. After all, “autogynephilia” gives scientific
legitimacy to our culture’s most twisted misrepresentations of trans women. “Would you fuck me?” “I’d fuck me” So it’s understandable that to a lot of
trans women the prospect of this concept gaining cultural traction is pretty terrifying. However, I respond that, as one of YouTube’s
leading B-list transsexuals, I’ve had several conversations with academics and journalists
where it’s become clear that they in fact believe in Blanchard’s theory—even if
the cowards won’t admit it to my face. So as I see it the damage is already done,
and what’s needed now is an accessible, convincing refutation of the theory. I hope this video will accomplish three things:
1 persuasively argue that the wrong theory is wrong, 2 account for how a wrong theory
became so influential and 3 move beyond some of the platitudes about trans people and open
up a deeper discussion about what it really means to be transgender. Socrates—you know the drill. 2: Blanchard’s Typology The mainstream scientific view, endorsed by
the World Professional Association for Transgender Health, the DSM-5 and most practicing clinicians,
is that trans people transition primarily to alleviate gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria is a state of social, emotional,
anatomical, sexual, spiritual and sartorial angst relating to one’s assigned birth sex,
which is mostly relieved by socially and medically transitioning to the gender of one’s
psychological identity. This is what motivated me to transition, and
I endorse the mainstream scientific view. However, sex researcher Blanchard has a different
theory. According to Blanchard, trans women are driven
to transition primarily by sexual motivations. He didn’t really bother to think about trans
men or non-binary people, so you all are excused. You can grab a beer and just laugh it up. Blanchard claims that trans women can be divided
into two types of… men—and yeah, I know, just hold your objections for the end. The first type are the homosexual transsexuals. These gay boys cannot get enough dick. And who can blame them. [slurp] Essentially the HSTSs are naturally effeminate
gay men, who transition because 1, society is more accepting of them as women than as
very effeminate men and 2, becoming women is a good sexual strategy for them since they
do better as women in the heterosexual dating market than as male femmes in the masc4masc-dominated
gay scene. The second type of trans women are the autogynephilic
transsexuals. These inscrutable perverts can apparently
get off just by looking in the mirror. “I’d fuck me so hard.” Blanchard describes autogynephiles as straight,
bi, or self-avowed asexual men—it doesn’t really matter because their primary sexual
orientation is misdirected inward, leading to paraphilic sexual arousal at the thought
of being or becoming women, which is their true motivation to transition. Now I’m going to argue that this theory
is wrong, but first I want to acknowledge that there seems to be some observational
validity to the claim that trans women tend to fall into one of two clusters of correlated
traits. I’ll replace the stigmatizing terms “HSTS”
and “autogynephile” with more neutral language, let’s say Cluster A and Cluster
B. Cluster A trans women are mostly androphilic—that
is, attracted to men—they transition relatively early in life, and are very effeminate as
children. Cluster B trans women are mostly gynephilic—attracted
to women—transition relatively later in life, and have outwardly boyish childhoods. When I first thought about this typology,
it initially seemed pretty valid. I went through the mental list of trans women
I know and found I could pretty easily sort them: Cluster A, Cluster A, Cluster B, Cluster
B. But as I’ve thought about it more it’s
partially unraveled. Without even leaving my own circle of acquaintances
I can think of a trans woman who followed all the Cluster A patterns but now dates women,
and a trans woman who followed all the Cluster B patterns but now exclusively dates men. So while I think there may really be two genuine
trends here, I interpret them simply as correlation clusters that get fuzzy around the edges. Blanchard, however, takes HSTSs and autogynephiles
to be two sharply distinct types, with completely two completely different psychosexual motivations to transition. And this is what I strongly disagree with:
the notion that male homosexual strategy or autogynephilic lust are the primary motivations
to transition, and I have a lot of backup here since trans women almost universally
reject this characterization of their experience. Now, you’d think that’d be a major problem
for the theory, but fortunately Blanchard has an airtight response to that, namely
that trans women who disagree with him are fucking liars. I mean that’s really the scientific ideal,
isn’t it? A theory that cannot be falsified. It’s perfect. 3: The Man Who Would Be Queen Blanchard’s theory likely would have been
glanced at by a handful of sexologists before fading into the endless sea of forgotten academic
publications had it not been given a major publicity boost by J. Michael Bailey, a Northwestern psychology professor who endorsed Blanchard’s theory in a 2003 pop science book titled
The Man Who Would Be Queen. Great cover, Bailey. Very controversial, very provocative, very
politically incorrect. I have been triggered. Well done. Now Bailey, I read your book which, considering
how much I enjoy your cream, was just amazingly bad. The Man Who Would Be Queen is a frightening
book for trans women, because it is acutely transphobic, but also kind of vivid and well-written,
and it introduced a wide audience to Blanchard’s typology. The first two parts of the book describe homosexual
transsexuals, including Bailey’s and his male research assistant’s observations that
they’re super fuckable and natural-born sex workers. “I start upstairs to get the panoramic view
and I see Kim for the first time, on the stairs, dancing, posing. She is spectacular, exotic (I find out later
that she is from Belize), and sexy.” “Her body is incredibly curvaceous, which
is a clue that it may not be natural.” “And I notice a very subtle and not-unattractive
angularity of the face, which is also not clearly diagnostic on this tall siren. It is difficult to avoid viewing Kim from
two perspectives: as a researcher but also as a single, heterosexual man.” Wow, Bailey. Great science writing. When he’s done drooling all over the homosexual
transsexuals, Bailey moves on to autogynephilic transsexuals, focusing almost entirely on
a single case study of a trans woman he calls Cher, whose backstory is a stomach-churning
nightmare of auto-erotic mania and transvestic masturbation. Bailey describes how Cher made videos of herself
wearing female masks and vaginal prosetheses while receiving anal sex from a
sex robot of her own construction all to the accompaniment of a Donna Summers album and
the moaning audio from a porno film. It honestly sounds like something I would
do in a video as a joke. So well done, Bailey. You found an honest-to-god pervert. And look, as a performance artist, I love
the sex robot. I admire it. I want it in my life. But as a transsexual. I mean Bailey—this has nothing to do with being
trans. You just found a—you just found a person who built a
sex robot. That’s not how Bailey sees it though. He upholds Cher as an exemplary case of an
autogynephilic transsexual, claiming that Cher’s sexual fetishism is typical of the
motivations of all trans women who are not exclusively attracted to men. So Bailey’s telling is that autogynephiles
are these unfeminine male masturbators showing up to gender clinics with bogus stories
about how they always knew they were women in order to get genital reassignment surgery
to satisfy their paraphilia. Now what’s striking about this to me is
that even for a defense of Blanchard’s theory, Bailey’s account is more lurid and grotesque
than it needs to be. Bailey likes to think of himself as a dangerous
libertine philosopher pursuing the light of truth wherever it may lead, unrestrained by
conventional morality and political correctness alike. You’re so filthy. But what does the unrestrained pursuit of
truth look like? What objective methodologies does Bailey employ? Well, for the most part, it seems like he just goes to gay
bars in Chicago and chats up trans women, turning these stories into case studies
for his book. Sounds like an awful lot of fun for scientific
research. You need a research assistant Bailey? The Man Who Would Be Queen is filled with
sentences like “There is no way to say this as sensitively
as I would prefer, so I will just go ahead.” Alright you edgy fuck, let’s hear it. “Most homosexual transsexuals are much better
looking than most autogynephilic transsexuals.” We appreciate the feedback Bailey, we
really do. But is this science? It’s effectively a straight cis man announcing
his discovery that young straight chicks are hotter than middle-aged lesbians, and trying to pass
it off as a valid empirical observation. And like the pop science cishet men have written
over the past century regarding the nature of females and homosexuals, their observations about trans women are lacking some vital perspectives. This is what we “postmodernists”
mean when we complain that science often privileges a white cishet male perspective. It’s not that I hate men, or male sexuality,
I just hate that the male sexual perspective is so powerful that it gets to call itself
science. It’s not that there is no objective truth,
it’s that this represents a very narrow window on it. Wouldn’t anyone care to hear a different
perspective? Well, how about mine? 4: My Perspective From my perspective, Michael Bailey is a lecherous
edgelord. He’s a man who, when I was a student at
Northwestern, was mostly famous for the fucksaw incident. Google it. Of course that doesn’t mean that the fundamental
claims of his book aren’t true. Even if we could prove that Bailey gets together
every weekend with Blanchard to sacrifice a trans baby to Beelzebub, it would still
have no bearing on the scientific correctness of the theory, which might still be true. The problem is, it isn’t true, which I’ll
argue at length in a moment. But first, it’s worth noting that the theory
has gained acceptance among a non-trivial number of academics and journalists, largely
because 1 it’s often presented as the only supposedly “scientific” alternative to
mushy platitudes about women born in mens’ bodies and 2 many trans women have reacted
to Bailey and Blanchard with extreme vitriol and personal attacks, resulting in the widespread
perception that a bunch of triggered PC cucks are throwing a narcissistic male entitlement
temper tantrum because Bailey and Blanchard accurately called them out as paraphilic fetishists. In her 2015 book Galileo’s Middle Finger,
bioethicist Alice Dreger championed Bailey as the undeserving victim of a hysterical
SJW lynch mob. But she gets so caught up in exonerating Bailey
of the personal accusations against him and in telling a bigger story about academic freedom
and how scientists are being silenced by PC cucks, that she doesn’t bother to check
how good Bailey’s science really is, and ends up affirming the autogynephilia theory
herself. Now I’m certainly not gonna deny that trans
people on the Internet can behave like a bit of an angry mob. In fact I may be on the receiving end of one
of those myself in about 20 minutes depending on how this video is received. But there’s not exactly a shortage of sleazy
passive aggression from the Blanchard and Bailey camp either. Blanchard is known to seek out and comment
on pornography made by his detractors, and Dreger is an advocate of the “narcissistic
rage” theory of trans backlash against Bailey. Remember, according to autogynephilia theory,
many trans women are erotically fixated on themselves, from which a dishonest person
can make a conceptual leap to saying that they’re narcissists, and hence any trans woman who
raises her voice in this conversation is accused of exhibiting narcissistic rage emanating
from her wounded male ego. Furthermore, like so many other professors
in recent academic freedom controversies, Blanchard and Bailey being ruthlessly “silenced”
by PC cucks has not really gotten interfered with their academic careers, nor their continued
authority to misrepresent people with less power than them. This of course assumes that autogynephilia
theory is a misrepresentation of trans women, and that’s really the crux of this whole
drama isn’t it? So let’s just leave the drama behind and
dive right into that question, pursuing the pure light of truth, as we always do on this
channel relying only on the facts, the figures, the scientific studies. Just kidding, if you want to read a scientific
argument against autogynephilia, read Julia Serano’s article “The Case Against Autogynephilia”
which pretty much sums it up. Because I know you didn’t click on this
video because you wanted to hear about science. You came here because you wanted filth, and
I’ll give you filth, Bailey. I know that’s what you want. And I want to give you what you want. I want to give it all up for you. 5: The False Dichotomy Filth is coming, don’t worry, but before
we get there there’s one more thing we need to discuss. Advocates of Blanchard’s theory pretty much
unanimously introduce the theory as if it were the only possible alternative to what
is called the feminine essence theory. The feminine essence theory says that trans
women are female souls in male bodies, that we are women from birth to death, and that
transition is merely an effort to make our accidental exterior match our essential interior. People like Dreger will tell you that trans
activists dogmatically adhere to this theory, and that anyone who challenges it will be
pursued by a ruthless witch hunt. And of course, the only way to challenge it,
we’re told, is to defer to Blanchard’s typology of homosexual and autogynephilic
transsexuals. Now I object to this framing of the discussion,
because I don’t believe in Blanchard’s typology or the feminine essence theory. There is no feminine singularity that made
a me woman from birth. I wasn’t born a woman, I was born a fucking
baby. Just like everyone else. There’s no such thing as a feminine essence
or a masculine essence. There is only biology, habitual behavior,
and the way society responds to you, all of which can be changed quite a lot, and all
of which are currently changing for me. Now there is an emotional appeal to the feminine
essence theory. I think most people have gender essentialist
intuitions, and I admit I do feel on some level that I’m supposed to be a woman by
nature. And in a sense that may be true. I don’t think I chose to be trans, and it
seems likely that something inherent in my biology and psychology led me to transition,
but that’s not the quite the same thing as essential womanhood, which intellectually
I don’t think makes sense. I think it’s heartwarming gibberish. But there is also, I think, a legitimate role
in the discourse for heartwarming gibberish. Sometimes you have to explain what being trans
is to a person who believes that dogs go to heaven. And in most circumstances saying “I’m
a female soul in a male body” gets the point across. Not all language is philosophical. It’s a lot easier to explain what being
trans is in essentialist terms, because to explain what being trans is without gender
essentialism requires a whole deep philosophical discussion that most people simply aren’t
up to having. But the useful platitudes become a problem
when more analytically minded people start putting these things under the microscope,
and then they end up concluding that trans people are just fetishists telling lies about
themselves. So you’re probably wondering, if I’m not
a fetishist, and not essentially a woman, then why am I transitioning? Well I keep saying this, but dysphoria really
was the primary reason. And shortly before I transitioned I made a whole
video about that if you’re curious. You have to keep in mind that transitioning
is not just for the bedroom. When you decide you’re going to live as
a woman you have to do it at the grocery store and on airplanes and at Thanksgiving dinner
with your family if you even still have a family. It’s kind of hard for me to imagine why
someone would do that just to gratify a masturbatory urge. That said, is there at least some sexual aspect
of being transgender? Well of course there goddamn is. How could an adult decide to switch genders
without there being some connection to sexuality? The problem is autogynephilia is not a good
description of that connection in most cases. And it certainly isn’t in my case. But I’m a 29-year-old transsexual with a
history of dating women, and cross-dressing in erotic situations no less. According to Blanchard’s theory I am therefore
an autogynephile. It seems that I have some explaining to do. Well, here’s where filth comes in. 6: ContraPoints: An Erotic Life Come one come all to the gender circus with
your host Natalie. Step right up you filthy freaks. One of the reasons it’s difficult for trans
women to refute Blanchard’s theory is that even arguing against it from your own experience
is incredibly humiliating and degrading and invalidating. Fortunately, I happen to have no sense of
dignity or self-respect whatsoever, so I’m willing to take one for the team here. Get your clipboards out, gentlemen, I want
to make this as easy as possible for the psychoanalysts at home. [static] I was born in 1988. As a small child I was not especially feminine nor especially masculine. I was not interested in sports and was just
kind of physically inept. My main childhood interest was music, and
I learned several instruments. In early adolescence I was misdiagnosed with
OCD, the primary symptoms being spending too much time in the shower and too much time
styling my hair. My sexual development was kind of late, and I never
masturbated till I was 15. And I didn’t fantasize about having sex with women,
or with men, or even about becoming a woman. My fantasies were kind of Platonic almost. I would sort of fantasize about women but in a very abstract kind of way. An early romantic disappointment involved
my realization that women would never be attracted to me in the same way that I was attracted
to them. In my late teens and early twenties I was
a long-haired, smooth-chested androgyne, which suited me wll. It was around then bthat I first cross-dressed,
when a woman I was seeing asked if she could dress me in her clothes and do my make up. God yes, I said. Throughout my twenties I was on and off in
relationships where there was this feminization dynamic. More women are into feminizing boys than you
might think. When I was feminized we would make out and
not do anything penetrative, just sort of, little proto-lesbian things, you know? Now some women I was with were not into that,
and some would practically lock their underwear drawers when they found out I had done it
in the past. There was one period where I cut my hair short
and quit that altogether, but it didn’t last more than a couple years. When I had regular heterosexual sex it was like my soul had to leave my body in order for me to
to get the poison out, as I thought of it. The cross-dressing was never a solo or masturbatory
activity. There was always a partner, or sometimes
several partners. Bailey are you paying attention to this? This is for you. What I liked about it was the way that dressing
like a woman changed the way partners interacted with my body, how they would kind of treat
me like a woman. I fully acknowledge that a lot of the feminization
was pretty fetishistic. There was a lot of short dresses and thigh-highs, And occasionally also a a BDSM submissive
aspect. But over time I realized that the fetish aspect
wasn’t really what I liked about it. It wasn’t humiliating for me to be feminized. It was affirming. And one day I kind of realized that I didn’t
actually want to be feminized at all; I wanted to be feminine. In my mid-twenties I first really started
paying attention to trans women and thinking about transitioning myself. But I thought that since I didn’t “feel
like a woman” that I never would, and I thought that I would never pass and that
I would just be a hideous parody of womanhood. Then about a year ago thanks to this amazing
online queer community that we have now, I started developing more positive thinking
about this. I’ve always looked a little bit younger than
my age, but last year I also started noticing the first signs that I was going to age into
the body of an older man. And that triggered really intense gender dysphoria. At the same time I realized that I would need
to transition to have any hope of a genuinely genuinely fulfilling sex life. And at that point the need to transition felt
so urgent that I could not wait. So I got Internet hormones
from the Republic of Vanuatu and I started taking those in August until I could get a prescription at an informed
consent clinic, and since then my life has drastically changed. I live as a woman full-time now. And most of the changes aren’t sexual, but the
hormones certainly do have sexual effects. I now find myself attracted to both women and
men. And the mere visual image of a woman no longer turns me on the way it did. Instead I need there to be a kind of interpersonal
connection. I don’t masturbate at all, and I haven’t
come in months. Someone please fuck me. I guess the critical thing is I’ve been
wearing women’s clothes, my clothes, for seven consecutive months,
and I have been turned on by it for zero percent of the time. So the idea that I’m some kind of transvestic
fetishist is ridiculous. And I’m not turned on by the mere idea of having a female body either. I mean, when there’s developments, I’ll
check it out. But I’m not like “ah yeah I have tits now that’s
so hot.” I mean it’s kind of hot. But it’s more about other people being into
it is about me being into it. So as always my sex drive is directed outward
at other people. The sexual aspect of my transsexuality is
not about the target of lust being directed inward, it’s about me wanting my sexual encounters
to occur from the standpoint of a female body, or you know, at least as close as I can get. And since I started hormones it’s about
my sexual desires coming from this psychologically female place of vague bisexual interest activated
by interpersonal connection, rather than intense, object-oriented male lust. [static] So that’s my attempt to describe my sexual
history without resorting to politically correct cuckoldry or trans ideology. Now I’ve read enough Blanchard to know that
this description does not by any means let me off the hook for autogynephilia. In fact, I’m what Blanchard would call a
classic case of pseudo-bisexual behavioral autogynephilia. Pseudo-bisexual because of course all of trans
women’s experiences are lies and because according to Blanchard I only like guys because
being filled up with their dicks makes me feel like a girl, which is what I’m really
into. And behavioral because Blanchard describes
different kinds of autogynephilia, like anatomical, behavioral, transvestic, physiological, according
to what you supposedly fetishize, and I’m turned on by sexually behaving like a woman
rather than simply wearing female clothes or having female anatomy. And I mean, okay, you can slap a Greek word
on anything and make it sound scary, fake, and pathological, but I think this is an especially
unfair way to characterize my experience, and here’s why. 7: Autophilia in General I’m guessing most people would be pretty
reluctant to admit they take any kind of sexual interest in their own bodies. It’s sort of like admitting you enjoy your
own body odor. Ew. But how unusual is it to check yourself out,
to take some sexual interest in the sight or touch of your own body? I’ve noticed cis men seem to really like
their own penises, and taking pictures of their penises, and sending them to other
peeople. Does that make them autoandrophiles? Are they behavioral autophallophiles? I can make up Greek words too, Blanchard. I know a cis woman who, having just bought
some expensive lingerie, told me, “It’s not for men, it’s for me.” What does that mean? It means she just liked wearing sexy lingerie
under her clothes because it made her feel hot. Is that cisvestic autogynephilia? Likewise I used to date cis women, I know
what they do. And I can tell you that women touching
their own breasts during sex or while masturbating is not at all uncommon. Is that anatomical autogynephilia? Twitter user NathanOfOz pointed out that in
the October 2017 issue of Cosmo, an article on self-love tips recommends that its apparently
cis female readers try stroking their own feet or running a feather over their skin
as a prelude to kneeling in front of a full-length mirror and rubbing one out, possibly while
squatting on a dildo. Can you imagine the level of paraphilic male
fetishism that would be read into this if it were written by a trans woman? I mean it’s one step away from filming yourself
fucking a sex robot. And okay, Cosmo’s sex advice is often ludicrous,
but the point is it seems like it’s only with trans women where we feel the need to
whip out the suffix “-philia.” It seems what’s going on here is a lot of
pathologizing of normal female sexuality when it exists in trans women. But of course that raises the question what
is normal female sexuality? 8: normal female sexuality Switching from male to female hormones causes
your sex drive to be completely obliterated and then regrown in a new form, which came
as more of a relief than I expected. I don’t think I realized the extent to which
I felt like my own sexuality felt like a demonic possession or alien infection until
I was free of it, thank God. When I had male hormones in me I needed to
have an orgasm like every day, I was turned on mainly by visual arousal cues, I was at
a Kinsey 1 relative to my birth sex, and I had a couple mild typical straight-guy paraphilic
kinks—no not autogynephilia. On female hormones I initially had no sex
drive at all but have started developing very different patterns of arousal. For instance, I never need to have an orgasm,
I’m turned on mainly by interpersonal cues like intimate physical contact or close emotional
moments, I’m at around a 70/30 attraction to women vs men, and the paraphilic kinks
have vanished without a trace. Oh by the way for the pharmacologists at home
this is 6mg estradiol and 200 mg spironolactone daily. So my interpretation of all this is that I
now have what is a pretty typical female sexuality, at least for a girl who’s into girls. I don’t feel like I have some essentially
male pseudo-bisexual behavioral autogynephilia. One of the reasons why Blanchard has to come
up with elaborate terminology like this is that he takes as foundational the presupposition
that trans women are psychologically more like cis men than like cis women. His studies therefore a lack cis female control
group, meaning he didn’t bother to apply his autogynephilia survey to cis women. But if he had, as Charles Moser did in 2009,
he might have found that many of them were classified as autogynephilic. Blanchard’s insistence on classifying trans
women’s sexuality as a variant on male sexuality makes it seem paraphilic and unusual that
trans women want to have sex as women. But how do cis women want to have sex, as
walruses? I mean no judgments. This also explains his claim that non-exclusively-androphilic
trans women are “pseudo-bisexual” because their attraction to men does not resemble gay
male attraction to men. The idea is that these trans women’s
attraction to men is not based on raw physical lust, so it is
unlike gay male attraction to men, and is therefore “pseudo,” that is, it’s really
an autogynephilic fantasy where the man is just a prop. But what about straight cis women’s attraction
to men? Is that based on raw physical lust for the
male body? I mean sometimes it probably is, and I’m not a cis woman so I can’t really say. But I kind of suspect that cis female
heterosexuality is not best described as raw physical lust for the male body. That is, I suspect it’s quite different
from cis male homosexuality, if I may risk painting with broad strokes. Take the case of Playgirl magazine, which
at its peak published feminist articles alongside naked hunks but never had the circulation
of its male counterpart, and later on ended up just being read by gay men. From the perspective of female sexuality,
I mean men’s bodies are nice, they have great hands, great abs, great this part, that’s
all great. But it’s not that great. And if you read pornography written by women—and
notice that it’s usually written and not photographed—you don’t find a predominant
focus on vivid descriptions of male bodies. Like in 50 Shades of Grey (which I read for
research purposes) there’s some description of Christian’s hot bod and his hot abs,
but it’s not the main thing by any means. There’s a lot more sentences like: “To the right is an imposing U-shaped sofa
that could seat 10 adults comfortably.” “It faces a state of the art stainless steel—or
maybe platinum for all I know—modern fireplace.” “Near the kitchen area in front of the glass
wall is a dining table surrounded by sixteen chairs.” “And tucked in the corner is a full-sized
shiny black grand piano.” “’Here’ he hands me a glass of wine. Even the glasses are rich. Heavy, contemporary crystal. It’s like a Crate & Barrel catalog. I’m getting so wet. Christian is established as a man of good
taste as evinced by his contemporary crystal, his playing Bachhhhh at the piano. And that’s hot, because it’s sexy to be
wanted by someone who’s qualified. It’s not enough to be whistled at by a catcaller,
they have no discernment, I mean they whistle at anything that looks vaguely female,
they whistle at me. And I don’t want to be whistled at by the
kind of person who would whistle at me. You want to be wanted by someone who with
their exquisite and discriminating taste selects you, the protagonist. This is not a story about Christian’s rippling
abs and his tight buns. It’s not a story about wanting a man, it’s
a story about being wanted by a man. This is how the whole romance genre works. You emotionally identify with the female protagonist,
then you meet the sexy bad boy who’s like a pirate or the CEO of Business Incorporated,
and then the hot part is just how badly this guy wants you, the protagonist, usually singling
her out over other more qualified women, and eventually giving up everything he loves to
settle down and make babies with her. And a lot of these stories are kind of silly,
they conflate female sexuality with women’s economic dependence on men in a way that’s
really problematic, but I fundamentally resonate with the wish to be wanted. I want other people to think I’m sexy and
want to fuck me. You know. It makes me feel like I have value and it
fills up the terrible void inside. Is that so wrong? 9: Female Vanity The art critic John Berger wrote in his book
Ways of Seeing about the European oil painting trope of depicting a nude woman with a mirror,
and calling the painting Vanity. The mirror was often used as a symbol of the vanity of women. The moralizing, however, was mostly hypocritical. You painted a naked woman because you enjoyed looking at her. You put a mirror in her hand and you called the painting “vanity,” thus condemning the woman whose nakedness you depicted for your own pleasure. The real function of the mirror was otherwise. It was to make the woman connive in treating herself as, first and foremost, a sight. The notion of the vanity of women is a misogynistic
trope that originates in male projection. It is the assumption that women enjoy looking
at themselves in the same way that men enjoy looking at them, and are therefore complicit
in their own objectification. I think that the concept of the autogynephilic
transsexual woman is a combination of this trope with a homophobic trope. Misogyny casts women as narcissistic, vain,
in love with themselves, and homophobia casts queer men as hypersexual perverts. The autogynephile is the ultimate combination
of the two: the hypersexual pervert vainly in love with the image of himself as a woman. ♫ Myself I shall adore ♫ If I persist in ga-a-a-a ♫ a-a-a-a-a-a 10: Autogynephilia acceptance So this whole video I’ve been treating autogynephilia
kind of like an accusation from which I have to exonerate myself. And I think that’s justifiable considering
I’m objecting to misrepresentation, but some people might wonder, isn’t this whole
conversation getting kind of kink shame-y? Is autogynephilia so wrong? Well, no. It’s not. It’s fine. There definitely are men who get turned on
by wearing women’s clothes or thinking about having a female body, and as paraphilias
go this is very harmless and I don’t think it’s anything to be ashamed of. But the question of whether genuinely autogynephilic
trans women exist is more complicated. The reason most trans women consider the label
“autogynephilia” to be such a stigma is that, as Blanchard says, women do not get
turned on merely by the thought of being women. Now, as I’ve discussed, the problem with
Blanchard is he over-extends the concept of autogynephilia to cover pretty much any
sexual feeling that a Cluster B trans woman can have. But I’m actually inclined to agree with
him that being turned on merely by the thought of being a woman is a fundamentally non-female
state of mind, and one that feels quite foreign to me. So a lot of trans women, I guess including
me, have this idea that you can’t be both a woman and an autogynephile, hence the
offense we take to being characterized in this way. However, things gets messier when you look
into this some more. Are there some genuinely autogynephilic transsexuals? Well at first glance the answer is yes. I mean there’s always one isn’t there. In this case that one is Anne Lawrence, a
disciple of Blanchard and a self-identified autogynephilic transsexual. From 1998 to 2011, Lawrence collected 249
anonymous accounts of autogynephilia over the Internet and published them in her 2012
book Men Trapped in Men’s Bodies. Great title Anne, very provocative, very controversial,
very politically incorrect, I have been triggered, well done. What is this cover though? Come on, Anne. Get a statue of Hermaphroditus or something
on there. So this book is filled with stories of trans
women who have a past or present of pretty autogyenphilia-like fantasy and behavior. So what do we make of that? Well, a lot of this stuff, like fantasies
of being women or having sex as women, or arousal during cross-dressing, are what
the trans community has destigmatizingly termed “cross-sex gender fantasy.” And among trans women, particularly prior
to transition, this kind of thing is pretty common. You’ll see it all over the trans subreddits,
there’s blog called cross dreamers devoted to it, it’s been written about by Zinnia
Jones and Julia Serano. So within the trans community this isn’t
even controversial, it’s not provocative, it’s not politically incorrect. But how do we make sense of this? Well, my thinking is that it’s hard to experience
genuine female sexuality when you still have the evil magic of testosterone in your system. So you’ve got to get that out, and then this paraphilic stuff tends to go away. But how is this any different from Blanchard’s
theory of autogynephilia? Well basically it comes down to this: Blanchard’s
theory claims that cross-sex gender fantasy or arousal is causal and essential. In this theory if you’re an autogynephilic
transsexual you are essentially male, and any facsimile of womanhood you attain can
only be honestly understood as the expression of an essentially male sexual urge. I reject the idea that it’s causal or essential. And I think the strongest piece of evidence
that it isn’t essential is that even the rare trans women who identify
as autogynephilic admit that after transition the cross-sex fantasy and arousal vanishes,
yet they continue to prefer living as trans women. Blanchard made this observation himself: “Any viable theory relating to the etiologies
of autogynephilia and transsexualism must explain the following well-established observation:
Gender dysphoria, in young nonhomosexual males, usually appears along with, or subsequent
to, autogynephilia; in later years, however, autogynephilic sexual arousal may diminish
or disappear, while the transsexual wish remains or grows even stronger… The same conclusion is suggested by the fact
that surgical castration and estrogen treatment—which decrease libido in gender dysphorics as in
other men—usually have no effect on the desire to live as female or the resolve to
remain in that role.” If these trans women are essentially men with
a paraphilic desire to become women, why would they they continue preferring to live as women after the
paraphilic desires go away? Well, this is where things get really weird. According to Blanchard and Lawrence, the only
way to explain this is to shift the goal post and say that actually, autogynephilia isn’t
a paraphilia at all, it’s actually a sexual orientation. So what happens when you transition is you
actually pair-bond with yourself, forming a kind of stale, sexless marriage with the
woman you’ve become. And if that sounds like it doesn’t make
any goddamn sense at all, it’s because it doesn’t. A pair bond is a social relationship between
two or more people. Are you saying that trans women are a man
and woman inside the same— Why do they continue falling in love
with other people… I can’t even start with this. This video’s too long, I’m getting cranky. Look this seems like the point where Occam’s
razor shuts down Blanchard’s theory. Like okay maybe I subconsciously created
a female alter ego with which my original male ego has fallen in love. But maybe lots of things. Maybe I subconsciously want to become my mother
so I can fuck my father. Maybe the elder gods ripped my primordial
duality in twain and now I’m yearning for my female half. Or maybe I’m just a woman who wants someone
to fuck me every once in a while. 11: True Autogynephiles Among the narratives recorded in Lawrence’s
book there are admittedly a few accounts of trans women whose primary sexuality and motivation
throughout their transition does appear to be genuinely autogynephilic. And I’m not going to say that these people
are lying about their experiences because that would be a terrible thing to do. Ultimately ContraPoints is not a
channel about judging people. So I’m not gonna say that those people aren’t
really trans. I mean I find it weird and hard to imagine, but
whatever. I’m the one who’s into people licking
milk off my tits. And wait till you see my sex robot. And look, if I had autogynephilic feelings,
I would just tell you. I’ve already admitted to things in this
video that I wouldn’t tell my own diary on my deathbed. But I just don’t. This theory doesn’t describe my conscious
motivations to transition. And that’s ultimately the main reason most
trans women hate this theory, not because of wounded narcissism or shattered erotic
delusions. We just don’t like being misrepresented. But you know who does loves the theory? She’s been there literally the whole time. You know, I realize that by making this video
I’m subjecting myself to a lot ruthless psychoanalysis, whether it’s
gonna come from TERF reddit, or trans people who are mad at me for even talking about this,
or, who knows, maybe even Blanchard and Bailey themselves. So you know what? Why don’t we just get that out of the way
right now. It’s time to put this tranny on trial. 12: The Autogynephilia Trial of ContraPoints All rise. The Autogynephilia Department of the Sexology
Court is now in session. Judge Bailey presiding. Calling the case of the GenderCritical subreddit
versus ContraPoints. Are both sides ready? District Attourney Cockbane ready for the
subreddit, Your Honor. Ready, I guess. Your Honor, ladies of the subreddit: the defendant
is a man. A full-grown, six-foot, wide-shouldered man
in a dress. It’s really more of a hospital gown. The evidence will show that the defendant
is not a woman but a male pervert role playing as such for his own twisted sexual amusement. [brandishes riding crop] Abigail what are you holding? It’s for horseback riding. You honor, I would like to admit into evidence
the following video clip, uploaded to YouTube by the defendant on June 13, 2016. [drone] Oh god. Fishnets, garter belts, corsets. If these are not the trappings of an autogynephile
then I don’t have two X chromosomes. Agreed. Well, what you have to say for yourself? Well why do you think I owned all that fetish
stuff in the first place? The court doesn’t need to hear about your
perverse masturbation rituals. I bought that stuff to do Rocky Horror. What? Rocky Horror Picture Show. I used to do Frank-N-Furter. Your honor, I’d like to admit into evidence
the following photograph. That’s me at E Street Cinema in 2014. This one’s on the house KiwiFarms. Are you a Rocky Horror fan, your honor? Am I?? It’s just a jump to the left! ♫ And then a step to the right. Put your hands on your hips! ♫ And bring your knees in tight ♫ But it’s the pelvic thrust Ew. So you liked to dress up as another cross-dressing
autogynephile. How is that helping your case at all? Well, I know Rocky Horror is problematic but
when you’re living as a man there aren’t a lot of socially acceptable occasions to
try out cross-dressing. You know it’s basically Rocky Horror, Halloween, pretty much any time it’s socially allowed to be a freakish monster. And come to think of it the scary monster
autogynephile is a trope I’ve played with since the beginning of this channel. The whole ContraPoints aesthetic is very like
autogynephilia chic. I originally was going to have the narrator
of this channel be more of a fictional character, the idea was to be like autogynephile Harry
Plinkett. And part of that was that I kind of hated myself and
I thought I was just disgusting, and part of it was that representing yourself as a scary monster
actually does capture something of the horror of gender dysphoria, and part of it is that
identifying with the scary monster version of yourself is actually kind of empowering. Like cis feminists, you have your
thing about witches. Okay but monster version or not, real women
do not wear fishnets and garter belts and corsets. This is just male fetishism. Well it’s true that cis women generally
don’t dress that way, no. I mean, unless they’re doing Rocky Horror. It’s actually pretty popular. But I never wear shit like that any
more. In fact it actually causes dysphoria because
it makes me feel like a male crossdresser. Sometimes trans women start out with a fairly
male conception of what women wear, I guess that’s true. A lot of trans women transition after period
of sort of trying things out as a cross-dresser or a drag queen. But you know it takes time to develop an authentic
sense of female fashion. Like, what did you wear when you were 14? ♫ Wake me up inside That’s what I thought. But also, why not steal fashion ideas from
drag queens and kinksters? Cis women do. They have some good ideas. Without drag queens and kinksters we’d have
no contouring, no chokers. And what would we do then, Abigail, what we
do then? I don’t know what you would do, I think
I’d manage. Your Honor, I’d like to admit into evidence
the following clip. Is there a way to smash my ribs in? I’ll smash ‘em in, I’ll smash the shit
of of ‘em. These shoes are cute. And I’ll finally be able to hit my head on the tops
of door frames. Would you fuck me? I wouldn’t? Your honor, the defendant literally tries
on high heels and corsets in front of a mirror before posing to himself the question,
“Would you fuck me?” This, your honor, is peak trans. Peak trans! Peak trans! How do we even need to have a trial about
this? Well, that scene depicts a kind of anguish,
not sexual pleasure. “Would you fuck me” is obviously a reference
to Silence of the Lambs and is what is known in the trans community as a “joke.” The corsets, the high heels, these were primitive
efforts at clawing my way out of manhood. And they’re efforts that I’ve left behind. Now that I’m on female hormones, now that
I live this way full time, I feel the way I’m supposed to feel, and I don’t need
to lean on that stuff for validation. I mean I still do things that cis women don’t
do. I sleep in a bra, which I’m pretty sure
no cis woman has ever done. I do it because I need to feel something,
God, anything, taking up space on my chest. And feeling that reassures me enough that
I can fall asleep. Not so I can look at myself in the mirror,
not so I can get off, so I can simply fall asleep. No one ever claimed that trans women are literally
exactly the same as cis women. We have many things in common but in other
ways we have very different experiences. Yes and you don’t have the oppression experiences
that cis women have. Well you know what Abigail? You’re right. For the most part, I don’t. But it’s impossible for us to have an actual
conversation about this because you’re just such a fucking asshole. And if you honestly want to talk about trans
women and oppression experiences, don’t have this conversation with someone who started transitioning five months ago. Go find someone who transitioned decades
ago, and talk to them about their experience as a woman. Your honor, the defendant does not bleed. I find that pretty conclusive. As do I. Guilty as charged! 13: Final Thoughts I think some cis people will be congratulatory
toward me for making this video. Some of them will say things like “why can’t
all trans people be as calm and rational and open about their experiences as you?” Well I’m very happy if you found the video
elucidating, but I’d like cis people to think a little harder about why not a lot
of trans women talk about this. It’s humiliating. It’s exhausting. And it’s required me to publicize a detailed
analysis of my most private sexual feelings for the scrutiny of people who despise me. I’ve had to discuss things that I’m honestly
terrified to discuss because I’m afraid that people will never take me seriously as
a woman hence ruining any chance I have at happiness. For trans women this debate is intensely personal
and risky. Our lives and our happiness are at stake. Meanwhile Blanchard and Bailey are not just
neutral, devoted pursuers of scientific truth. They have been continuously and needlessly
derisive and cruel toward trans people. And they’ve misused their power as academic authorities
to misrepresent and humiliate us. No part of my present experience corresponds
to the core claim of their theory. I may drape myself in a hundred layers of
defensive irony and depravity, but I am at core a woman who is very thoroughly not in
love with myself. So I have to hope for the sake of my own happiness
that someday I will be loved by someone who thinks of me as a woman. Otherwise I’m fucked. This has been a rough one girls. I daresay you’ve earned a song. [♫ “Three Times A Lady”] ♫ Thanks for the times that you’ve given
me ♫The memories are all on
my mind ♫But now that we’ve come to the end of
our rainbow ♫There’s something I must say out loud ♫You’re once
♫Twice ♫Three times a lady
♫And I love you ♫Yes I do
♫Yes you’re once ♫Twice
♫Three times a lady ♫And I love you
♫Yes I do ♫And I love you Oh, one more time! ♫And take a step to the right Put your hands on your hips! ♫And bring your knees in tight
♫But it’s the pelvic thrust ♫That really drives me insane
♫Let’s do the time warp again ♫Let’s do the time warp again

100 thoughts on “Autogynephilia | ContraPoints

  1. I was initially reluctant to do a video on this topic in part because I worried that only a handful of trans women and TERFs would even care. It’s a video about the identity and sexuality of trans women, yes, but the debate around this topic touches on a lot of other issues that are of wide interest right now: political correctness, academic freedom, power, privilege, social justice, postmodernism. And I try to make connections to those debates in this video, so my hope is that even if you’re not trans you’ll still resonate with enough that it’ll be worth watching for 50 minutes.

    Failing that at least there’s filth. 🌸

  2. Phallo-logocentric philosophy and postmodernist feminine philosophy can co-exist. And maybe Baily (?) has got the autogynephilia, and is just projecting.

  3. Christians are practically nothing but sex-manics, or maybe procreative manics. Not simply phallo-logocentric, but an extension, or rather, an excrescence of it. It's this notion of "be fruitful and multiply" [don't mind sex- Jesus's words] that has been turned purely religious [indeed], that has created a people who preach godliness but don't live it, but forsake it for worldliness, for the sake of persecution & power. Which is typical of the pervasive Roman Catholic influence on the facade, that, and the "morals" found in the early persecutions in the Torah. It's simply gargantuan, this simple identification with the dishonor of laying with a man as "effem" and weak, when Jesus praised nothing but humility and only humility. OH and, everything is vain. Not just feminine types.

  4. "Evince"
    Best word. Eva. Thanks Moby-Dick. Contrapoints, I know you have a copy!

  5. “I FIND OUT LATER THAT SHE IS FROM BELIZE.” I don’t know who does these voice overs, but he is hilarious in each one.

  6. I wanted to like this video like 15 times throughout. Especially towards the end omg you are a genius

  7. This might sound lame, but I just wanted to say that your content is really dope
    I feel like I'm watching Discovery

  8. Im sure this has alresdy been said, but your wallpaper looks like a series of boars next to a series of screaming gophers.

  9. I recently came back and re-watched this video — and I wanted to tell you how validating it was for my sexuality as a cishet woman. I suppose that's kind of a weird comment to make, but it's actually something I've wrestled with. I had noticed that I don't seem to experience my sexuality in a way that's similar to my husband. Visual stimuli don't really do it for me and I don't have a lot of paraphilias or fetishes. My kinks tend to revolve around the desire to be wanted — to be wanted so badly that a man can't help himself around me. I don't feel the need to masturbate and I don't really become spontaneously turned on.

    It made me wonder if I really was straight — or if I was maybe somewhere on the Gray A spectrum or a lesbian (because I didn't immediately get turned on by pictures of hot dudes — but then again, I didn't get turned on by pictures of women either…). Hearing you describe your sexuality and sexual feelings was validating for me because… well, that's exactly what I feel. And it made me feel more secure in my identity as a heterosexual woman. I know you're not fully heterosexual ofc. But knowing and feeling like I'm experiencing normal female sexuality feels good.

  10. Jesus Natalie, that was extremely tough and really good. Hugs and congrats. x

  11. I think some people actually do have autogynophelia. And some people are trans. Though it's more of a sex thing than a gender thing

  12. I just wanted to say thank you for making this video. Listening to your history and experiences, as well as the autogynephilia information has definitely helped me in my own journey.

  13. (i'm a cis woman who sleeps in a bra just because i don't find it uncomfortable therefore don't feel a need to remove it)

  14. I have lived many years without hearing ContraPoints read Fifty Shades of Grey out loud to me.

    What a waste of years those have been.

  15. Mother fuck! That music from 01:22. I have been looking for years for the name of the original peice for years!

  16. I am terrified by how much I can Identify with your experience ._. But the thought still doesn't feel right ._.
    Why do I feel like I need a break halfway through all of your videos? I think I should go back to my christian minecraft servers and feel like just another individual again ._.

  17. I love your version of the Time Warp!! I have been a huge fan of RHPS for awhile. It helped me deal with my personal monster self too (only mine was obsessive and angry).

  18. Wow, this was really educating. You are a very brave person, and this video helped me understand a lot. (Even though I'm going to have to rewatch this a few times, a lot went over my head 😵 cuz i dumb)

  19. "From my perspective Michael Bailey is a lecherous edgelord." How did I ever live without contrapoints in my life

  20. As a gay man who really would like to fuck myself and is really happy with his male dick I say autogynephilia is rubbish.

  21. Thank you for bringing in some Rocky Horror nostalgia. You're beautiful, Natalie. I appreciate your entertaining and elucidating videos.

  22. All of this errors comes from the erratic idea that you can define a "female" as an element of a set, or a set itself. So basically they try to quantify or qualify elements and sets in such a way. Their academical lives could be easier if they defined "female" or "woman" as a relation, or a set of relations. So you are a woman because the relations you establish with any other external object (yes, the restroom is a perfect example), people and yourself is defined as the kind of relation which makes you named "a female". So when you are able to establish such relations with the remaining world , and the relations are supposed to have you as the feminine side of relation, then you are a female. Meaning, for "me" you are a female if you establish with me the kind of relations are between "me and women". And the same for yourself: you can establish a relation with yourself , like when we say 2 = 2 , so a relation between you and yourself. If you establish with yourself the kind of relation a women establishes with herself, then you are a woman "for yourself". 2 = 2 is the kind of relation which happens to be named, in post-latin languages, as "identity" (think to it). I think to define people as "a women" when they are equipped to establish such a kind of relations with the remaining universe, could end the discussion and make lives easier. It's all about maths and logic…

  23. How could I have ever thought that one of your amazing videos would be lacking in deep personal relevance, even to me?
    Here, take my gender. I don't need it any more <3

  24. I'm not trying to sound like someone who's been "converted/brainwashed," or whatever descriptor critics use for people who agree with the arguments and points of view presented by LGBT+ advocates, but I do want to say that this has been really informative and I'm glad to have learned about it. Yes, I do like to hear facts and evidence about an issue, but I also like to hear the thoughts and feelings from the people who are directly impacted by said issue.

    Furthermore, the videos that you've put up that I've watched (I haven't seen all of them, don't hurt me) have left a lasting impression on me. For crying out loud, I had never heard much about Ray Blanchard, Jordan Peterson, or autogynephilia until I saw what you had to say about it and my own raging curiosity got to me (you can tell I need to get out more). You're a very brave woman for talking about incredibly personal experiences, something of which I definitely wouldn't have courage to talk about. You deserve all the respect. And all the things. And all the double feature picture shows. Be it, don't dream it.

  25. This video was a wonderful antidote to a deeply transphobic conversation my friends were having, in which I lacked the words or the conceptual framework to speak back to them the way I wanted. Thank you.

  26. OMFG! Rocky Horror!!
    Back when I was a gender-fluid 20-something, I went to Rocky Horror, in full drag, many, MANY times. That was before I went all historical like, "do I even hunt and gather?" and rejected gender altogether. I absolutely support everyone's gender identity, but for myself, I want none of it! Gender: Fuckitall! <3

  27. As a cis lesbian, i occasionally masturbate to my own body/thoughts of having sex with myself/me when i present very femme sort of and it's weird and i'm definitely inclined to think that it's just a woman thing????

  28. I looked up what the fucksaw incident was and…. WOW that's disturbing. Basically Bailey hosted an after-class live demonstration of a fucksaw on an actual naked woman, allegedly bringing her to orgasm several times onstage. This was supposedly "strictly educational"

  29. What is really interesting was he discovered female sexuality through trans woman and called it sexual deviancy. So in conclusion, female sexuality is dirty and needs to stop! Autogynophillia seems like it is just an extension of men not understanding/hating female sexuality, whether it be cis, trans, or somewhere inbetween.

  30. Autogynephilia may be a real thing, but it seems to me the false binary is a great arguement…and it would seem that it is a fringe of the fringe. Trans women are already an almost statistically insignificant portion of the population, though that's changing, and I think the better question is why is that changing? I mean the road of someone with this condition is rough to say the least and the crux of humanity rests upon the hetero family unit. Your deconstruction of vanity is ridiculous though. How do you know the painter wasn't in love with a woman who loved herself more than him? A song called, "just to satisfy your fourteen carat mind," explains this well. But on this binary blanchard has setup you have swayed my opinion. This is how you persuade a socially conservative person to understanding you and your ideas. Speech! Debate! Intellectual arguements! I still dont any of this should dictate public policy in any way though. Obviously. Freedom isnt just freedom for me, but for you as well.

  31. ive been living as a gay man, but if or when I transition to become a woman, id be a lesbian. male or female, ill still be a homosexual

  32. "You're once, twice, three times a lady…" OMG Love your awesomeness, Natalie! I am no longer haunted by that copy of Bailey's book I bought years ago…

  33. Natalie you are officially my favourite youtuber, many words to describe thee: intellectual, creative, well spoken, hilarious, beautiful, skillful, and so many more!
    And so I shall sign off,
    choke me mommy.

  34. Christ that is a lot of Baileys. Don’t you want to cut that with something less sweet?

  35. Lots of COntra Fans have the same experience as me: found one video, watched some, then watched more and then decided to do the Contra Retrospective and watched all videos frrom the first available to the last.

    Then I got here and genuilly want to hug Natalie and thank her for this channel, those experiences. I think I'm really lucky to find this channel.

    Now, about this video, as a cisgender homossexual man it was really informative and enlightening. I really think I'm a better person now – but I gotta say it took more than 90min for me to watch, since so many times I stopped to think a bit, watch the last bit again and go on… But was clarifying. And I'm very, really, deeply touched by the courage of you in this video and the one before it. Such courage and determination to be heard. I really am your fan, Natalie. Thank you again for your work.

  36. Your singing at the end moved me <3 Also, cis woman here saying I sleep in my bra all the time too 🙂

  37. "cis women typically don't sleep in bras" …. immediate thought was 'but i used to sleep in a bra?' …. y'all i forgot that i'm nonbinary and literally had top surgery because of gender dysphoria. Transphobic rhetoric exists on the predication of binary genders, thus when thinking about it, I have to place myself as a binary gender in this model. But I had to sleep in sports bra to make my boobs flatter and feel them less so I could actually sleep, and that's not a cis experience, that's a trans experience babyyyyyyy

  38. thanks for the video! I am 30, I've shared many experiences and interests like your own and it was great to hear! I am still on the road of finding myself and I'm just trying to make sense of it all. there was a time not long ago where I felt the need to purge this side of me, mostly due to the 8 year relationship I was in and the person I was with could never accept any aspect of me being any type of feminine. So I feel like suppressing myself for that duration has done some damage. I will say what has changed now being 9 months out of that relationship is that what my mind would be constantly obsessing about (mostly female clothing) is now gone, its as though my obsessions just vanished. no longer do I feel the need to obsess about these things, but now instead im feeling like a coward because i cannot outwardly express myself ( due to personal and environmental factors) and now i just feel like shit. anyways all of your videos have been amazing to watch and im truly thankful i found them, because its really helping me in this questioning time i am in.

  39. It may be just that I'm a new subscriber, but I didn't realize that Natalie plays piano. More in love with this woman every day.

  40. I am a serious case of autogynephilia. You see, you are me (rest assured you ve always been, even as a main, alongside my always being a woman) and now you are a woman, so now I am a woman who loves herself as a woman.

  41. Does anyone know the specific singer/orchestra/production of "Myself I Shall Adore" that is used in this video? I'm dying to know and I've been sifting different tracks for a while lol. Thanks friends!

  42. fuck you are 2 years younger than I am … now I feel old, considering how far you´ve got and how amazing I think you are <3

  43. The ftm version of this is just… terfs minus the oppression thing. Tryna fuck women but being a lesbian isn’t enough? Become a man! Autoandrophilia intensifies

  44. God, this video is so raw and drenched in unyielding authenticity. Absolutely amazing!

  45. Thank you for a brilliant and deeply honest essay into the nature of sex and gender, that, in the end is a real contribution of our understanding of what it means to be human. A strong interest in and attempt at compassion for the drives, appetites and experiences "other" gender (there does seem to be, in reality, something od a continuum) is surely essential to real wisdom, and real love.

  46. I feel very conflicted. Part of me applauds when people are open enough to discuss the most controversial aspects of their life and sexuality, since it makes everybody else feels less of a freak. However, I see trans people, specially trans women, doing this too much often. And from what I know it's not because they want to, it's because they feel like they have to in order to be a little more understood. This kind of breaks my heart, that you have to expose yourself like this to so many people in order to have a better chance of proving your point. It's disheartening how much trans people in general are naturally expected to act like they owe us cis people something when… uh… they don't??? Either way, as much as I feel bad about it, I feel that videos like this are still necessary and, either way, you nailed it. So congrats on your amazing work and also having the courage to be so vulnerable. Hopefully future generations of trans people will be less pressured to expose themselves.

  47. Lol. Those men you talk about also deny women their sexuality. They are scared SHITLESS when they really see and experience "healthy" sex drive in women, which also means that not only do you objectify yourself during sex and let him do it and the day after you have no problems because you behaved "worse than the whores in Bangkok" (sic!). Not only is that normal for you, but you can continue to be a lawyer the next day. Many men have problems getting that into their (admittedly) very small brains.
    All the love for you though. Keep it up. 💋

  48. Fuck, this is really troubling. I'm not anywhere near not hating myself after watching this video.

  49. Lady Wynn. It must be asserted that thou must not wear a corset on bare skin. The corset is worn over a linen shift.

  50. This is an extra stupid comment but Silence of the Lambs is one of my favorite movies and books and I just wanted to say that they very specifically say he is not actually trans. That most MTF trans women are non-violent. He did not pass the psychological screenings to qualify for surgery. Please no one come at me! It just made me sad that that character might have hurt or offended anyone.

  51. I agree with Natalie on most of her views here, and she seems to be very against the TERF view (and rightfully so), but then it strikes me as odd that I have proclaimed what is essentially the same as Natalie's viewpoint to far left people and they accused me of being a TERF. 44:48 is a perfect example. She says "nobody ever claimed trans women were literally the same as cis women; we have many experiences in common but in other ways our experiences are very different" I have been told directly by leftist activists that that view is transphobic TERFism because transwomen literally ARE cis women (which makes no sense as the two terms were created specifically to denote a difference between the two, but I digress). Sooo..I don't know if I am a TERF or not but I pretty much agree with Contrapoints on this topic.

  52. If you want to be seriously taken as a woman, then stop it with the gay drag show.
    You scream of gay male sensibilities, not female.

  53. "I don't wanna be whistled at, by the kind of person that would whistle at me." lol!

  54. I just want to say that I really appreciate being able to learn more about the trans experience and the difference between male and female urges and drives through you sharing your story. I'm not trans (though I've long felt a vague wish that it were easier to present as androgynous), and I don't feel comfortable/happy hanging out on queer forums of pretty much any type (despite being a pansexual, possibly genderqueer individual) so I really appreciate this opportunity to better understand people different from me (and, surprisingly, I also learned quite a bit about myself, especially hearing about how female sexual urges are different from male).

    I dearly hope that one day you will be able to be truly happy with yourself and feel confident and safe on a regular basis, instead of feeling self-hate and the need to put yourself down. Extra cool if you make it there and can still share these useful stories but mostly I hope you can be happier with yourself and the world around you. I'm glad you managed to transition and make progress in that direction 🙂

  55. "when i had heterosexual sex it was like my soul had to leave my body in order to get the poison out" why must you say such relatable things?

  56. When I was 9 to 12 years old I would sneak in my sister room to get in her dress because she was a Tom boy plus she had some I would love dressing in it when I turn 13 the voice changed I didn’t like that I was so upset plus the Adams Appel was bad when I turn a bit more older hair grow I would start to dress up in some stages form 15 to 18 mainly when I turn 18 I would dress up 5 times as a girl full dress I loved it I remember some people would say she a lot I loved it I remember I would go to the girls Toilet because I felt ok I would go to the men’s toilet to dress as a boy I remember looking at my self I felt strange but I didn’t know what i was feeling I would say to my dad when he picked me up I want to be a girl he said no because you ant wearing girls clothes I remember I dress up ready to go at my mums place I got court out so I went to see somebody but it didn’t go to my feelings I would steal as well I didn’t get the record because I past the test so I stopped thinking about it I did a men’s sports at the time before the girls start playing I did that now I’m 32 I stopped doing it because I remember my history wanted to be a girl it didn’t help me playing football my head was killing me like some one beating a crap out of then stopped getting bad because i remembered and agree I’m transgender but I started getting upset and my mind is racing I started thinking about being a girl and I want but don’t want it because it’s a hard thing to deal with but I do want to be a girl I want to act talk walk as a girl it’s only been newly 7 weeks I’m seeing a gender therapist soon

  57. You are so pretty I love your hair I would love to be pretty like you I’m starting to grow my hair I started shaveing and smell like a girl and dress up some times because I only get to do it if my dad is not home I’m starting to tuck and wear underwear in my men’s clothes and all a time to keep me comfortable and love your content

  58. I'm a "straight" man, but i've meet a few transexual persons and they are far from stereotypes. They were mostly very nice and smart people. Overly sexualized? The "overly sexualized" thing is in the brain of the one who says it. My opinion? Only sexophobics care about things like that.

  59. Coming from a formerly heavily transphobic guy, I’m starting to come around to the community. It’s a relieving feeling when you’re no longer as concerned with living up to some sort of standard of “toxic” masculinity, if you will

  60. I am in awe and sit in gratitude for the content you create. We all have different experiences, but you've captured much of my reality (Pansexual Transwoman- we're even the same height). Thank you for your courage to share your story.

  61. "This isn't a thing!"

    33:24 – "Yeah, sure, people like this exist, but so what? Kink shammer!"


  62. LMAO, "CEO of Business Incorporated," now that's true poetry of the soul there, it's so exquisite and refined.

  63. Anne and her Introduction-to-Economics- 101-textbook-cover-ass…

    …At least have a cover with masculine legs in heels like Bailey's headass did.

  64. I was on a binge of all your content in the last two years, and I found this to be your most driving, moving, and beautiful piece yet, not just in presentation but in content as well.

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