Hello internet! My name is Dan. And today, I’m going to roast myself… with a diss track. Fuck, I just hit myself in the fa-okay, lets LET’S DO THIS. A month without uploading, he comes back with a tag. That no one even tagged him in! He’s not a challenge to drag. So, prepare for an attack. And by that, I mean CRINGE. ‘Cause this motherfucker’s ’bout to get DRAGGED BY HIS FRINGE. First thing’s first, you’re freakishly tall
It’s weird, you look like a noodle (true) You got hair that was cool in 2007,
and wet, you just look like a poodle. (hobbit!) Throw in an annoying posh voice,
And yep, that’s Dan! (posh) You’re what would happen if Winnie The Pooh fucked Slenderman! You procrastinate making videos,
’cause “being judged is scary!” You’re so close to being forgotten, the hate’s imaginary! The only reason you get views is you’re
another white guy that people ship with is friend…
’cause they think it’s kawaii! Oh? Reasons why Dan’s a FAIL! (Yay!) I’ll give you some… *GASP* You never tweet! You overeat! All you do is cry and sleep! Your jokes are shitposts and memes with no originality! Your family’s sad you flopped your law degree at university, And anything embarrassing that’s from your past, you just delete! You were vegan for like three weeks, then what? Missed the meat? Wow, I’m so impressed by your clear moral integrity! You try so hard to be peaceful and diplomatic, But can’t make toast without Tumblr saying you’re problematic! *GAAASSSP* I could go on, there’s more if I check… There’s more things on this list… …than chins on your neck! On your birthday you joked you were a “quarter way to death?” A hundred, yeah… …when getting out of bed makes you out of breath? So your celebrity crush WAS J-Law… …but NOW it’s Evan P? What the fuck even is your sexuality?! It’s hard to put you in a box! When you keep it so blurry… I think it’s just to hide that you’re secretly a FURRY! *cough!* I’m-I’m joking. Obviously… Okay, that went deep… …repress it? Yup! Before I start crying,
let’s wrap this shit up! I’m gonna go and masturbate,
then cry into a slice of pizza. (feelings) Shoutout to the other YouTubers,
especially Ryan Higa. (jerk!) A cringe compilation,
mixed with cultural appropriation,
met with no depreciation, IT’S THE YOUTUBE NATION. CLICK SUBSCRIBE! If you wanna watch four videos a year! (or 3) To see my LAST one,
from ten years ago, just click over here. (fail) So leave a comment with your reaction,
you can call me a liar ’cause you just witnessed the ROAST… OF DANISNOTONFIRE. *explosion and music fading out* *loud sobbing*

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