May The Forced Marketing Integration Be With You


IF YOU WATCH THIS SHOW– AND IF
YOU’RE WATCHING ME RIGHT NOW, I ASSUME YOU DO– YOU
KNOW I’M A HUGE FAN OF “STAR WARS.” ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I’M EVEN WILLING TO OVERLOOK THE FACT THAT SINCE THERE ARE A LOT
OF STARS BUT ONLY ONE WAR, TECHNICALLY IT SHOULD BE CALLED
“STARS’ WAR.” OKAY? I’M GOING TO LET IT GO. AGAIN. NOW, AS A DIE-HARD FAN, I’VE
MADE A SOLEMN PLEDGE TO BUY AND USE ANY PRODUCT THAT HAS A “STAR
WARS” TIE-IN. FOR EXAMPLE, THIS IS– THIS IS
ABSOLUTELY TRUE– THIS IS MY ACTUAL LUKE SKYWALKER
BATHROOM SET FROM 1977. IT HAS “STAR WARS” SHAMPOO,
IT HAS “STAR WARS” BUBBLE BATH, IT HAS A COMB, AND SEE IF YOU
CAN SEE THIS, THAT IS LUKE HIMSELF TRAPPED INSIDE A BAR OF
SOAP FORESHADOWING HAN SOLO BEING TRAPPED IN CARBONITE. AND YOU SEE IT IS HELPFULLY
LABELED– I’M GOING TO PUT IT IN THERE– IT’S HELPFULLY LABELEED
LUKE SKY WALKER BELT CLIP SO YOU CAN HANG ON THE BELT YOU WEAR
WHENEVER YOU TAKE A BATH. THAT’S WHY I’M SO EXCITED FOR
THE COMMERCIAL TIE-IN POSSIBILITIES OF THE NEW “STAR
WARS” MOVIE. LIKE THIS AD FOR A PRODUCT THAT
SO SEAMLESSLY INTEGRATES “STAR WARS, THAT I THOUGHT AT FIRST IT
WAS A NEW TRAILER.>>THERE HAS BEEN AN AWAKENING. WILL YOU BE ENTICED BY THE DARK
SIDE OR EMBRACE THE LIGHT SIDE? DISCOVER YOUR DESTINY WITH THE
COVERGIRL “STAR WARS” COLLECTION, THREE LUMINOUS LOOKS
FROM THE LIGHT AND THREE MESMERIZING LOOKS FROM THE DARK. THE FORCE IS STRONG. FEEL ITS POWER. THE COVERGIRL ‘STAR WARS”
COLLECTION.>>WHICH SIDE ARE YOU ON?>>Stephen: OH, THE FORCED
MARKETING INTEGRATION IS STRONG WITH THIS ONE. BRAVO, COVERGIRL. THIS IS THE PERFECT MAKEUP
COLLECTION FOR GIRLS WHO LIKE “STAR WARS” BUT NOT ENOUGH TO
REALIZE THAT THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH “STAR WARS.” ( LAUGHTER )
WITH THIS NEW COLLECTION, COVERGIRL IS OFFERING THREE
LIGHT-SIDE LOOKS AND THREE DARK-SIDE LOOKS. THEY WERE PREVIOUSLY AVAILABLE
ONLY IN CONTAINERS THAT DIDN’T SAY “STAR WARS.” AND THE MAKEUP COMES IN SUCH
INTERGALATIC SHADES AS LILAC, GOLD, DARK PURPLE, SILVER AND
RED. AND FOR YOU NON-SUPERFANS OUT
THERE, THOSE ARE ALL COLORS THAT EXIST IN THE “STAR WARS”
UNIVERSE. NOW, AS A FAN, I’VE COLLECTED
ALL OF THE “STAR WARS” COVERGIRL MAKEUP LINE. IT’S GOT EVERYTHING. IT’S GOT EVERYTHING IN HERE. EVEN THE MUCH-MALIGNED “THE
PHANTOM MASCARA” AND “JAR JAR BLUSH.” OF COURSE, I’M A GROWN MAN. I WOULD NEVER WEAR THIS MAKE-UP,
BUT DARTH VADER WOULD. ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) “AM I PRETTY NOW, DADDY?”
( LAUGHTER ) “DADDY, AM I PRETTY NOW?”
( LAUGHTER ) GETS HUMID IN THERE PRETTY FAST. ( LAUGHTER )
FOLKS, THIS COVERGIRL MAKE-UP COMMERCIAL GIVES ME A NEW HOPE,
A HOPE THAT “STAR WARS” CAN BE ASSOCIATED WITH ANY PRODUCT. LIKE TONIGHT’S SPONSOR: EGGS,
THE “STAR WARS” COLLECTION. ( LAUGHTER )
A LONG TIME AGO IN A GALAXY FAR, FAR WAY, THERE WERE EGGS. ( APPLAUSE )
WILL YOU JOIN THE LIGHT SIDE, OR OR WILL YOU BE SWAYED TO THE
DARK SIDE ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
FULFILL YOUR DESTINY AND FILL YOUR STOMACH. THE BATTLE FOR THE GALAXY IS
UNDER WAY ON YOUR BREAKFAST TABLE! FEATURING ALL OF YOUR FAVORITES
LIKE BB8, OR DID I MEAN B-B-EGG? YES, I DID. OH, LOOK OUT, BB, LOOK OUT. HERE COMES A STORMTROOPER! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
AND NO BREAKFAST IS COMPLETE WITHOUT LUKE SKYWALKER. OH, YES! WILL LUKE STAY ON THE LIGHT SIDE
OR WILL HE TURN ON THE DARK SIDE? THE CHOICE IS YOURS. WITH “STAR WARS” EGGS, YOU CAN
EVEN REENACT THE DESTRUCTION OF THE DEATH STAR. OH, YES! “LET’S BLOW THIS THING AND GO
HOME!” ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
SO, TRY “STAR WARS” EGGS FOR BREAKFAST AND START YOUR DAY
LIKE A JEDI. “USE THE FORK, LUKE.”

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