Straight Dude Logic

So, the audience of this channel has historically
contained similar amounts of man and woman viewers, maybe skewing a little bit toward
the man side. However, after the success of my Sam Harris
video, there are a lot more dudes here now. And considering the types of dudes that are
usually interested in Sam Harris and his cohorts, I’m gonna guess that it’s mostly straight
dudes. Hi I’m T1J! [WEIRD VOICE:] Follow me! So uh, this video is sponsored. Am I real YouTuber yet? But for real, big shoutouts to JORD Watches
for sponsoring this video. Yeah that’s how it’s pronounced (“Yode”). JORD makes these awesome hand-crafted wooden
watches, they’re made from sustainable and ethically sourced materials, and they were
even kind enough to send me one, and I love it, it’s super dope. JORD also wants to hook one of you guys up,
so for the next two weeks if you click the link in the description, you can enter my
giveway and one lucky person will receive $180 off, which actually covers the full price
of many of the watches. Also for the next two weeks, anyone can simply
enter the coupon code “t1j” to get $25 off your purchase. So please check that out, links in the description
and thanks again to JORD for sponsoring. Now a lot of you may not know, but my channel
used to be specifically targeted towards straight men. I used to make a lot of videos attempting
to inspire young men to be more confident and ethical in their romantic and sexual relationships. In fact one of the videos that I’m probably
most associated with, the one that basically put me on the map is a perfect example of
that. Don’t watch that video, by the way, it’s
old and bad and I kinda hate it now. These days, there are a few people out there
giving good, non-toxic sex and relationship advice to men, from the perspective of a man. Shoutouts to Dr. Nerdlove! But I feel like this is a genre that is sorely
lacking overall. Which could be part of the reason why so many
men just don’t know how to ack. Straight men are essentially brought up under
the implication that women are prizes to be won, and that we’re entitled to that prize
for some reason. And this sounds pretty bad, but it’s not
even consciously malicious most of the time. I just think that we succumb to what I like
to call “straight dude logic.” Like in The Office when Michael advises Jim
not to give up on Pam even though she’s engaged. [JIM:] She’s engaged. [MICHAEL:] Pfft! BFD. Engaged ain’t married. That’s terrible advice! You’re just emotionally manipulating someone
and complicating their life. Or like on Friends, when Joey falls in love
with Rachel, and Ross totally freaks out. Even though Ross has a girlfriend at this
point, and hasn’t been with Rachel for literally like 5 seasons. [JOEY:] Come on Ross! Hey Ross, don’t–
[ROSS:] I-I-just, you know, I just have one — Rachel!!? As usual I tend to think in terms of old sitcoms. forgive me. And I understand that these are fictional
stories, but we internalize and accept things like this our culture. Both Jim and Ross eventually get their respective
girl in spite of these feelings of entitlement, as well as their obvious mediocrity…
and as viewers we’re okay with it! We rooted for them. We’re all like, “oh my god she got off
the plane!” If I’m being serious I always get a little
choked up when Rachel gets off the plane. [RACHEL:] I got off the plane. (audience cheers) But I digress! This is sort of the attitude we’ve been
taught as men. ‘We deserve romance, we deserve sex,’ oftentimes
we even feel like we get to pick whom we deserve it from; regardless of how shit we are at
being humans, we still somehow are entitled to romantic and sexual attention. So if we’re not getting that, something
must be wrong, either with the women in question, or society as a whole! And if you take ideas like that to the extreme,
that’s how you end up with toxic communities like Pick Up Artists and Incels. But like I said, there’s not a whole lot
of voices who are talking to men to about these things in a way that’s both constructive
and accessible. Or at least if they exist, I’m unaware of
them; feel free to enlighten me. Now of course there is no shortage of people
yelling at straight men on the internet. And this can be an effective way to get people
to be thoughtful about their ideas and behavior. It just depends on the person. But I think that usually this yelling is retributive
rather rehabilitative. And even it weren’t, I’ve come to believe
that shaming and ridiculing people generally fails to makes them want to change. In fact I think it often makes them more steadfast
in their convictions. And on top of that usually the people yelling
aren’t also straight men. Which makes sense, because straight men don’t
usually have to deal with the consequences of the problematic behavior of other straight
men, while other groups of people, particularly women do. But this is unfortunate, because it’s easier
to get through to someone if you know what they’ve been through and can empathize with
their point of view. Now I am not an expert on any subject much
less sex and relationships, but to all of my friends out there who are straight men,
let’s talk for second. And this isn’t exclusive to straight men,
and also it doesn’t apply to all straight men, #notallmen…(sigh)
Do I really have to say that? Yeah this is the internet I guess I do. But these are lesson that I personally had
to learn, so hopefully it will get some of you thinking. So when a woman is overtly sexual, it’s
usually seen by most people as pretty remarkable and unusual, whether in a good or bad way. And if we’re being honest, it’s often bad
way. But with men, society doesn’t usually punish
or even notice us for being openly sexual. Not all guys are like that, but in my experience
men are much more likely than women to openly, in public ,discuss sex, and who they think
is hot and who they wanna fuck. Or make sexual jokes, or discuss the features
of their own genitals loudly at a Mexican restaurant in the booth right behind me. Like, really?! I have no doubt that women are probably as
likely to have sexual thoughts as men are, but they also seem much more likely to keep
it to themselves, or keep it among their trusted circle. But I get it, I’m very sexual myself, and
I’m very sex positive and open about sex. But I think the fact that there is rarely
any social punishment for me being like that has a lot to do with it. I think that it is a good thing for people
to be more open and communicative about sex. But this is a hard thing to achieve because
of the way that straight men tend to grow up thinking about sex and relationships with
women. And I’m not immune to this. Whenever I see like a photo on social media
of a woman that I think is really attractive. My brain briefly has to muscle through a maze
of “straight dude logic”. My brain’s all like,
“Dude, she’s hot. Well I obviously gotta say something, girls
like being told they’re pretty, right? Girls like being told that you want to (bleep),
right? But you gotta be smooth so as to differentiate
yourself from the hundred other guys in this thread. Maybe you should send a private message. Maybe if you’re extra charming, she might
ask you to come over right now!” This is obviously absurd, but I think a lot
of very sexual people have to process through this kind of horny mentality. But many people seem to get stuck there, and
end up giving in to these ridiculous urges. If you ever looked at the comment sections
on some women’s photos, you’ll understand what I mean. And in fact when I was much younger, I often
gave into these stupid urges and found myself doing and saying ridiculous creepy shit all
the time. Now sometimes dudes are completely inappropriate
and obviously out of line, but it’s not always like that. Sometimes people give genuine compliments
in a relatively civil way. And sometimes people are okay with that, but
sometimes they aren’t. And I don’t think that women or anyone is
required to graciously accept unsolicited flirtation or sexual advances. And to be honest, on a surface level I think
that most people actually understand that unwanted advances are undesirable, even if
they are technically civil. Because I mean think about if and when it
happens to you. Kinda awkward and annoying right? And for many women there is an added layer
of the threat of violence upon handing out rejection. Probably most dudes won’t get violent, but
if one decides to, there is often not much a woman can do to defend themselves. So just imagine having that in the back of
your head, while some stranger is telling you you’re beautiful. This is why I think men have to think more
carefully about how they are making women feel in these situations. But when we get deep into our feelings and
urges, we often don’t consider how someone else might be feeling. If we get rejected or ignored we often feel
like something unfair has happened to us, even though that makes no sense, because we’re
not entitled to other people’s affection, no matter how nice or accommodating we are
to them. Just like I said in that video I told you
not to watch. [T1J]: Dude this is not a fucking transaction
where you walk to the cashier and pull out your “nice bucks” and buy sex and romance! So when disgruntled women are tweeting about
how straight men are trash, it can come off as implying that having sexual or lustful
urges is a bad thing. And that men can’t truly be allies to the
plight of women unless we somehow get rid of these cravings. Of course I don’t think that’s the case,
but here’s the thing. We are human beings. And one of the useful things about being a
human is our capacity to change and control our behavior in spite of our impulses. If you’re a good person, you should value
the safety, comfort, and happiness of the people you interact with more than you value–maybe
getting sex? But here’s the pill that might be hard to
swallow. Maybe a swallowing metaphor is the not the
best for this particular video? But It’s very possible and frankly probable
that men who aggressively pursue sex, likely receive it frequently. I mean after a certain point it’s just playing
the odds. But in pursuit of that there are dozens, if
not hundreds of frightened, creeped out women left in their wake. Unfortunately, I know this from experience. And even among the ones who agreed to it,
how many of those women felt pressured into it. How many gave in to avoid a fight? And I’m not even going to get into how some
men seem to not understand what actually constitutes consent in the first place. Guys often tie some measure of personal value
to their sexual success with women. That’s why go-to insults for straight men
sometimes include calling them gay, or making fun of their inability to find or keep a partner. [2 PAC]: ♫You claim to be a playa but I
fucked your wife!♫ And don’t get me wrong, sex is fucking dope,
and I personally think you should have as much consensual sex as you want. But it’s not something to derive any fraction
of your self worth from. It’s not the point of being alive. It’s not even necessarily the point of forming
relationships. It’s clearly not so important that you should
neglect to consider someone else’s comfort and well-being in pursuit of it. As I see people do very often. Usually straight guys. I’ve been known to say stuff like, “it’s
not that hard to be respectful, or to not be creepy” but I don’t know, maybe for some
people it is. Maybe a lot of men struggle with finding a
way to express their sexuality in a way that doesn’t ruin other people’s days/lives. So as with anything that’s hard to do, I
would suggest practice. Literally practice not being creepy. When you’re presented with an opportunity
to make a decision based on “straight dude logic”, instead just don’t. Try to always be mindful about what you’re
doing and what you’re saying. Think about how the other person might feel. Even if nothing bad directly happens as a
result of your behavior, it’s still not a good look, you look foolish, and it will
probably damage your reputation. Girls talk. The mere fact that you are attracted to someone
does not entitle you to their attention. This sounds pretty obvious, but you’d be
surprised at how many people have not truly internalized that. And I’m not saying you can’t talk to women,
or you can’t flirt with people, or ask people out. But there’s a time and a place, and also
respectful ways of doing it. Like DMing random women you don’t know is
probably not gonna get you anywhere You look foolish. Maybe wait until you match someone on Tinder
for example, it’s a more suitable context. But even then maybe don’t tell the person
that you wanna (bleep) within the first few messages. Also, and this is probably the most important
part, you have to respect their right to say no if that’s what they decide. I think sometimes in these political, social
justice, #MeToo type conversations, people in positions of privilege, like straight people
and men, may sometimes feel like in order to be perceived an ally or non-problematic,
they must live up to some impossible standard of perfection. And I guess if you spend too much time on
Twitter I can see why you might think that. Please, look away from the timeline every
now and then. I promise in the real world there are people
who aren’t lunatics. As a straight man, I understand where you’re
coming from. Maybe a lot of you guys out there are immune
to straight dude logic, and those creepy thoughts never enter your head. I’m not! I think publicly expressing sexuality as a
man in a safe and healthy way can be difficult, and maybe that’s a topic we can talk about
more in the future. But like most things, I think it boils down
to basic respect and compassion towards other humans. Before you give into that straight dude logic,
consider how it might affect someone else. DAS JUS ME DOE. What do you think? Thank you for watching my video. I’m really close to 100,000 subscribers,
so if you like the video consider subscribing to help me reach that milestone. If you’d like to support this channel and
help me make the videos even better as well as receive free merch and other rewards, consider
donating a small amount per month on Patreon. Big shoutouts to my existing patrons, and
I will see you all the next video. Bye.

100 thoughts on “Straight Dude Logic

  1. Most things you said are true for men AND women. The most I've ever seen someone act entitled to sex have been hot chicks. Watch a beautiful woman get shot down, they don't take it well.

  2. Totally not exactly related, but Joey and Rachel are waaaay more adorable and make more sense than Ross and Rachel.

  3. One guy, I only agreed after being in his house for about 2 hours after repeatedly saying, "I am going home now. I would like to go home now. Yeah, I think I will head home now," to have him beg repeatedly, standing between me and the door and not backing down until I agreed to stay longer. Eventually, it lead to sex. I only agreed because I was done arguing. I just wanted to go home.

  4. The only thing that made any sense in this entire video is "respecting someone's right to say no". The rest of it if utter garbage. If you're a straight male take chances. Waiting for a "right time" or "right place" is a waste of time. If someone rejects you and says no, respect that, but don't live in fear of "being creepy" or "looking weird" because many women will interpret you differently. If you spend your entire life worrying about what someone's opinion of you is then you will be ultimately unable to do anything in life.

  5. LOL you're an alabama fan. HAHAHAHAHA edit: decent video though

  6. I'm a little more than just a straight dude but if that's how you want to identify me that's your prerogative… I'd prefer metalheads. Say your channel attracted metalheads next time!

  7. Worst part of Fraser is Niles' relationship with Daphne. Ooooofh, super creepy. Should have made 100 more Martin-centered episodes instead!

  8. +T1J As much as it pained you, I appreciate your begrudging not all men caveat. A lot of people these days take the pointing out of that obvious bit of nuance as a guaranteed bad faith argument. That's not something I can entirely blame them for, considering how often it really is the case. As we try to explain and hash these things out to people that don't understand these things yet, I want to make the strongest possible case, and leaving out the caveat fails to do so because it opens one up to attacks along the lines of hypocrisy for taking what is literally a bigoted stand (at face value, if one does not assume the caveat). Yes, the danger is that some people will use try to use it as their 'out,' per se. And then we get into responsibility vs. responsibility, i.e. if one is actually or hypothetically in this out group, does one still bear causal responsibility? Which is something that I personally think someone that is truly in the 'out' group needn't, as opposed to obligatory responsibility, i.e. that we are all obliged to try and improve these aspects of our society and culture, which is something I think the 'out' group does still bear. That is, I don't agree with the way James Baldwin usually puts forth white guilt, but if one were to quote mine, you can find an article where he puts forth what I do agree with. Unfortunately I think he and I do not actually agree though, i.e. I believe that specific article was tailored by him for a white audience. I get where he's coming from though,he was betrayed so many times, I get why he would feel that a genuine 'out' group doesn't exist, and that it is used as a tool for people in the 'in' group to claim innocence. Keep up the good work, I think there are still a fair number out there that can be rehabilitated per se and while pulling out the poleaxe of sardonic invective can certainly be my first instinct as well, and it's good for them to get burned every now and then, we do also need to actually change minds. They can't just be told they're doing something wrong, they need to understand why it is wrong.

  9. "It's very possible, and frankly probable that men who aggressively pursue sex likely receive it frequently; I mean after a certain point it's just playing the odds. But in pursuit of that there are dozens if not hundreds of frightened, creeped out woman left in their wake… And even among the ones who agreed to it, how many of them felt pressured? How many of them gave in just to avoid a fight?… We are human beings. And one of the useful things about being a human being is our capacity to change and control our behavior in spite of our impulses. If you are a good person, you should value the safety, comfort and happiness of the people you interact with more than you value, maybe getting sex." — Some valuable words I am saving.

  10. Thank you for sharing your own flaws with us, as it helps us acknowledge our own.

  11. I imagined a group of women talking loudly in a mexicain restaurant right behind you. about how soft their vagina lips are.

  12. I was eating yogurt while watching your video and the whole time I was wondering if that bright spot in your beard is yogurt too

  13. There is NO SUCH THING AS CONSENSUAL SEX ! It's either SEX or RAPE!

  14. God I've found the best way to not be creepy, is to think of how fucking foolish and creepy I was in high school. Just yikes. It also helps being around live human beings. I think a lot of the incel problem is because they don't really have any interaction with people. It's way to easy to dehumanize someone if you don't actually interact with them.

  15. I get this vid but the sitcom examples were imo not an example of “toxic masculinity” or entitlement. Maybe I’m biased because I love both shows lol, buts also I could totally see both scenes with the genders switched. Possessiveness and unrequited love are popular dynamics for both men and women in TV.

  16. that broad city clip lol the context was her best friend was bouta peg the guy she was hooking up with hahaha

  17. So I'm at a party or club and girl starts grabbing my crotch without my consent, I'm just asking for it because I'm straight?
    Yeah got it if you're a straight dude you deserve to get sexually assaulted.

  18. Oh man i worked with a guy who only seemed to use purely straight dude logic. And it hadnt worked for him OBVIOUSLY so he became hella bitter about women which i had to listen to aaalll day. Ya know, how he was such a "nice guy". Ugh.

  19. I wonder what your metrics look like after this video. 😏 I hope at least some straight dudes stick around.

  20. consciously trying to recognize and move past things like straight guy logic is really sexy

  21. I had this thing happen to me with a guy, we dated for 2 months but I was clearly no interested so I broke up with him telling him that I was indeed not interested, that it was no one's fault and that he treated me really nicely. He continued to text me pretty often for like 6 more months saying that he missed me and asking my friends how I was and shit. I was pretty scared that he would appear at college or my house to try to talk to me when I actually told him that I was not comfortable talking to him. My bestie told him to fuck off and that he was a jerk and he stopped calling me. I know that not all men are like this, but I'm still kinda unsure of putting myself out there again. Loved the vid!

  22. I'm not even sure it's straight dude logic gay guys are pretty shitty too, perhaps it's just dude logic

  23. I agree with pretty much everything said in this video. While personally I've never really felt entitled to a relationship or sex for certain reason I have had many of my ideas of romance challenged. When I look back at how creepy some sitcom and romcom romances actually are it makes me glad I never pursued a relationship while in that mind set

  24. "No one is entitled to anyone's affection or attention."

    THIS statement is what I want people, ALL people to understand because god it is IT.

  25. (Some gay dudes are like this too btw, I once had a gentleman who followed me and stared at me from about a foot away on a cruise once, I was in fact, 13)

  26. Not just that but that women are these weird foreign beings that are hard to talk to/understand lol

  27. My best friend’s ‘boyfriend’ has the worst case of straight dude entitlement syndrome I’ve ever seen
    – he didn’t ask her out, he said they were dating and that was that
    – he told her TO HER FACE that he wants to fuck her at some point ‘with or without consent’
    – she’s pan and he treats her relationships with women like jokes, or like they’re not real
    – he complained about her not opening up to him, so when he told her about her very serious problems he texted her back ‘😂😂😂’
    – he invited himself to her house all the time and he tries to get there without anyone else but every time she has to invite someone else because the last time he was there he kissed her even tho she told him no
    -every time she tries to break up with him he says no or laughs.

  28. Lesbians and gay men get rejected all the time and they seem to handle it alright, but straight dudes can get very hostile and even violent just cause they can't have what they want.

  29. No man who wants sex can say he can't get it when he tries. The fact that prostitutes exist makes it so easy for any man to have sex with an extremely attractive woman. And to be honest, it's easier just to pay an attractive woman for sex because in most cases you're going to spend time which you can't get back, or time and money which you have to work hard to get part of that back. So in most scenarios any logical man would figure out it's just simpler and less expensive to buy a prostitute; when you figure in the value of your time and money you're spending on a woman who's not a prostitute.

  30. A lot of guys use "being nice" as defense against rejection and then they get mad because they got "friendzoned".. Like dude, i'm not required to fall for a guy just because you're nice to me. That's my biggest beef with so called nice guys.

  31. I 100% think men are projecting their insufficient self-worth onto women. I think that THEY wish strangers would go out of their way to tell them how good looking and attractive they are because they don't like themselves and they think that exchange is really diffrent than howt it really is. But to be honest when unsolicited compliments are targeted at straight men they probably are a different experience because they're so unexpected they might even seem sincere.
    One of the problems is the shear volume of shit that is directed at women and afab people all the time. It would make anyone second guess people's motives and become tasteless very quickly if the same type of stranger just told you the most rudimentary compliant over and over again with a shit eating grin on their face which is almost always the case. When someone I don't know tells me I'm beautiful all I hear is that they have no self control and they're some street rat I don't want to deal with.

  32. This is always weird and confusing for me as a trans dude. A lot of stuff I used to do when people saw me as a woman are now seen as creepy when I do them now and I'm still getting used to it.

  33. An awesome video! Being propositioned and people's feelings about that will differ from person to person.The advice I could give to men is to never hit on a girl in a confined space (especially at night). Like an elevator or in a room when you are between her and the door. It makes most of us feel scared (especially if she doesn't know you well).

  34. But a lot of girls like "straight dude logic", showing a girl that you want her so much you will never give her up reassures her that you aren't just messing with her. Have you guys missed the whole thing where girls deliberately reject guys as a test to see if the guy will continually to pursue her? It's to see if the guy is serious about her or not. Being persistent is a good thing. Of course there's lines thats shouldn't be crossed, you should only be persistent to someone you think likes you back. If someone makes it abundantly clear she doesn't like you, then you stop. Being persistent doesn't mean harassing.

  35. I actualy gave up on learning how not to be creepy to woman. Im bi and dont have that problem with gay man so I just avoid woman in a romantic context.

  36. This is a situation where looking at our beloved sitcoms is actually one of the best things we can do to address the behavior, because that’s often the root of it. A lot of people, especially teenagers, are looking to the media they consume to see how people act, and while there was a little blip where reality tv was everywhere, for the most part the biggest media that is trying to show life are sitcoms. So a lot of people watched Ross “win over” Rachel and get the impression that it’s acceptable. Straight women see it, but once they’re on the receiving end of it they realize it sucks. But straight men aren’t usually on the receiving end, so they tend not to learn that Ross was actually a terrible person

  37. @6:42 he said "eat the booty look like it's groceries". You're welcome.

  38. the right to say no!! you are a true 21 century philosopher

  39. Love this. Also, to clarify one point for straight dudes:
    Whether or not flirting and unsolicited compliments are bad depends a lot on context. From my personal perspective, if a guy compliments me in a public place, where I am clearly not in danger, I usually appreciate the gesture (as long as he's able to read very obvious cues of my interest or lack thereof).
    If a guy compliments me on the street at night, as he's walking up from under a bridge (which literally just happened to me lol), I'm going to run. Don't do that, guys.

  40. There's a man in my neighbourhood who, every time he sees me, says: "You are so beautiful!", and then walks away. It leaves me feeling neither glad nor flattered. Not angry either, but it's uncomfortable. I don't know what the intention is, but get the feeling he assumes it's a good behaviour from him.
    On the other hand, and this is where the world is unfair again, if I had found him attractive and interesting, I might have liked it. It's the same with stares and smiles from strangers. Being good-looking isn't enough, though. It's all in the way it's done and how you feel at the moment. Sometimes you simply want to be left in peace. And some people are just creepy, while others have, at least on the surface, something unthreatening and charming about them. The thing is, most charming and good men don't do these things.

  41. I’m going to be honest as a queer dude, like straight men are really weird to me bc there is this assumption that I will objectify them the way they objectify women. Like first of all, no, I am not a douche bag. Second of all I would probably be dead if I did that. Third of all, you don’t even use deodorant.

  42. 2 minutes in and you are trying to sell me a wooden watch. Are you a liberal?

  43. While I agree with everything he says, I always feel something off when watching your videos. Probably never gonna click on another video of yours.

  44. I don't talk to women anyways but this comment section just reinforces my thoughts. Why even say hello or try to be nice to a woman if their first assumption is of disgust?

  45. Dan Savage gives sex-positive advice on sex and relationships. You might like th Savage Lovecast

  46. It’s is sad that it is shocking to see straight men like this one have the most basic common sense and decency and empathy… there are more, even in the comments but it’s sad to me that it’s rare

  47. god i wish that (straight) girls would actually get this as well. ive gotten so much shit from straight girls, telling me that i shouldnt "be this scared of men" "youre never going to live in peace like this" "dont be so paranoid" "just chill out, nothings going to happen" "ive been going running outside at night for years and nothing ever happened to me"…, thats great for you! and yes, nOt aLL mEn, i know. but it only takes one to ruin (or worst case, end) your whole life. i dont know why a lot of girls just dont seem to get that their experience isnt universal, and that those risks are things a lot of people dont take easily when its about something this important. it frustrates me. if they asked around their female friends, theyre probably inevitably going to wind up knowing at least one girl or woman something horrible happened to. my cousin was almost abducted as a teenage and could only just run away, the dude never got caught. my mom was asked for directions from a guy in a car, and when she came closer she saw that he was masturbating looking at her. honestly, my biggest wish is for all people to have just a little more empathy.

  48. Treat women as fellow human beings, who have autonomy and the right to say "no". Don't treat women as possessions or sex objects, but rather give her the same respect you would give a man. Why is this a difficult concept for some men (by no means all men) to understand?

  49. The best way to not come off creepy is to have female friends. Not every woman has to be a sexual potential. A lot of this comes down to exposure with women in a non sexual or romantic context.

  50. Take no as an answer, the first time I say it, it’s important… There was this guy that didn’t understand the concept of “I am not romantically interested in you, I don’t owe you sex just because I am polite and I think we could be just friends if you stopped pushing me further”. Needless to say, I had to block him on all social media platforms.

  51. My goodness, you are the sanest person I’ve seen on the internet in a while.

  52. “…i dont think that women or anyone is required to graciously accept undolicited flirtation or sexual advances.”

    Thumbs up for this 👍🏿👍🏿

  53. You are an intelligent, well-spoken, sane and insightful human being and I'm very glad that you're creating same sort of content, keep up your good work!

  54. Thank you so much for this – you earned yourself another subscriber!
    As a straight woman, I feel like this kind of stuff is getting harder and harder to navigate. I've had guys try to hamfistedly chat me up in the past, and, because a part of me acknowledges that it must be a pretty darn nerve-wracking thing to do, I always try to be polite and tactful in my 'thanks but no thanks.' But it seems like, with some guys, there's this invisible counter in their head that's tallying up all the 'nice' interactions they get from me, and, the more of them they rack up before I eventually have to start getting blunt with them, the more 'entitled' they are to be offended because I was 'leading them on' the whole time before then. NO, guys, I wasn't being a prick-tease, I'm just not the kind of girl who snaps "F%&k off!" at the very first hint of a come-on/unsolicited compliment from a random stranger. And I really don't want to have to become that girl either. PLEASE… even a polite no, with a smile and a "but thank you anyway," IS STILL A NO.

  55. Ironically I think toxic straight guy behaviour affects other straight guys as well. Like as a straight guy (Not saying I'm perfect, I've said a lot of mysoginistic shit in the past I'm not proud of) I feel i have to be very careful about talking to women as to not be labelled a creep or loser and am scared and too nervous to show interest and as of yet have not been able to find a romantic partner. Toxic straight guys are horrible and it really sucks that trust between straight women and straight men is fragile as a result.

  56. My closest friend is literally the definition of straight dude logic

  57. Do we not have to deal with the consequences of the actions of other straight men? I am currently watching a video that is saying that all straight men are toxic because some of them are, I don’t know what that sounds like to you. It’s not as extreme or dire as the situations of many, but it still exists.
    Edit: ok never mind. I was wrong, I should have heard you out. Thank you.

  58. As a straight male, I actually do feel pressured by society to be in a relationship. It's true that men who have lots of sex are often times praised or rewarded, but men who do not are often ridiculed and demonized. You, as a man, are not praised for being smart, passionate, or talented in something. You are praised for being financially successful, being physically fit, and having lots of sex. It doesn't matter what you're good at, only that it yields unrealistic results. It's not just men who perpetuate this toxic dynamic, but women as well. And unfortunately, when we are down on our luck when it comes to finances and careers, most of us can't rely on sex work. There are women who are literally handed money for doing shit on webcam. They're not stripping in strip clubs, fucking in porn, or posing for professionals in pornography. They are being paid while in the comfort of their own living rooms. While many of us men have to work at grocery stores and shit to pay for an education.

  59. I don't relate to this video at all. It doesn't describe my internal perception or any of the ways I interact with women and queer feminine people. And I would caution that anyone who wants to have this discussion, if you have good intentions for cultural wellbeing and coexisting, to not get tricked by the people who use this narrative to hide hatred of men and masculine characteristics. This is the first time I have seen anyone talk about this in a way that is not filled with stereotyping and twisting of men's characteristics and actions as if men are inherently villains. This is what I grew up around and it was used to justify and exaggerate the abuse against me. I've also seen countless encounters where a woman I know personally is approached by a man for something business related, like he's buying something and she is my coworker, and she projects her own insecurity, awkwardness, and anti-male judgment onto this guy who just tried to buy his item and tried to make a connection to see if she was interested. Nothing malicious whatsoever, but after he left my coworker started complaining to me.

    She saw me as funny and relatable, so I guess I was "the good guy". I wasn't relating to why she was so resistant so I asked her if she was insecure about vulnerability, and she didn't understand what I meant at all. She just said that guy was a creep, but it was strongly suggested she only saw it that way because he was average looking but slightly goofy, and was friendly with a woman who was snobby, as if she was blaming him for her own snobbery. Not to mention, if it's a guy she likes doing the same thing, she's very friendly and sees him as attractive. I see this occasionally and it appears that the woman is so unconscious she projects her inner reaction onto the man, good or bad. I suggest listening to Eckhart Tolle, Shefali Tsabary, and Pema Chödrön's speeches or reading their books to understand this.

    If you treat people as if they have evil motives underneath, you create a hostile world. I hope more people can separate anti-male prejudice from actual issues. At the root level, that journey is personal, and is a matter of watching your inner reactions and inner suffering- to separate your reaction from what is happening in the world outside of you. Too often people will say a person or event MAKES them feel a certain way, whereas their reaction is actually based on what they need and how they perceive the situation. The worst instance of this in my life almost ended up with me shot when I did nothing wrong, but the other person deliberately wanted to see me as a monster. You might not realize just how much the culture is being eroded by social justice, and I am still uncertain of how accurate this portrayal of male boundary-crossing is in your video, or if it is just the more innocent form of anti-male prejudice.

  60. I think that it's bad to give a woman you don't know a compliment like "you're beautiful or cute" even if you think so, it's usually creepy, if you approach her, just get to know her first and I think it would be pretty easy to realise if there's chemestry or not and if she says no just take that no, she's not interested,
    I only once gave a girl I barely knew a compliment but I wasn't interested in her like to ask her out or dating she was a tourist and I was courius to know where she came from she was with a group of people, I approached her, asked her where she was from, she was from Denmark, and talked to her for a while, then at some point I realised how gorgeous she was and just told her "omg I love your eyes" and that was complete honesty i felt that and said it, we kept talking a few minutes more and then I said goodbye and left, I think she took it well.

  61. Can someone explain how pick up "artists" are toxic? If they're not using manipulative means to get the attention of a woman, like lying about being single, job, etc, saying anything just to further their chance, is it still toxic? Wouldn't a male pick up "artist" just be the equivalent to an attractive woman that gathers attention who goes to the club and just picks out an attractive guy to lay with?

  62. God damn this whole video, and the comment section too, was like watching people try and explain earthquakes without understanding plate tectonics. Loki is not in pain, The tarrasque isn't hungry, and Pele's not angry.

  63. Hey, as a woman presenting nonbinary i wanna say thank you for being such a great example and rolemodel for other straight men! People like you give me hope for the male demographic 😊 have a nice day!

  64. I’m an ugly black dude but when I do get fetishized it makes me uncomfortable so I kinda get it

  65. Yes, you really have to do this. Curious, you're using cultural references as supporting material for your examples. That tells something about the problem itself. Your basic point stands, but may I suggest introducing the phrase "some but not all" into your description of people, whether straight guys, or anyone else. Reason being that most of the straight guys I've known don't labor under the delusions you describe. So some but not all straight dudes…

    Yes, I really had to do that.

    Otherwise, good subject to address. Hat's off.

  66. Thanks for verbalizing the chain of logic which can feel very rational and appropriate in the moment. I do think it is crazy how much sitcoms, movies, just all types of media feed into it tho, like how many times have you seen the protagonist get rejected and end up with the love of his life because he refused to accept her no, click bait articles toting this inaccessible sex icon of one form or another is dating a fan after receiving "peach tongue-wag water-spray" emojis, or even how most "meet-cutes" that IRL are just street harassment? Not an excuse, I just wonder what life would be like if we didn't fuel this sort of logic.

  67. this kind of things should be teached in schools and by parents, maybe that would reduce the amount of creepy guys out there

  68. Honestly as a girl I think that Jim was way better than Pam. Not like women should choose a guy who has had significant achievements, that's also a patriarchy thing. I think that the real winner here was Pam who got to be someone who is better than her.

  69. Jord is pronounced 'yord'. the danish pronunciation kind of sounds like 'yod' but in normal languages, i.e. swedish and Norwegian its 'yord'.

  70. So I'm 17 year old straight guy I've never done this and probably won't anytime soon or in the future as I have a hard time taking to strangers anyway and I have a hard time giving complements to people I know and all but on to the subject at hand I was reading the comments and all that Jazz and I see a lot of talks and girls jogging and guys giving complements while they do so now I know jogging isn't the best place to find a mate but most relationships start with attraction so if you do see a cute lady jogging is there any good way to approach the situation to like get a number or something because you may never see them again or is it just a forever dead situation

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