The Best of Dulcé Sloan – The Border Wall, Doug Jones’s Upset & Black 911 Operators | The Daily Show


– When I heard that we were gonna do
a year-end special, I was like, “We have
to do a song.” – Oh, like when I said that,
“Hey, Desi, we should do a year-end song,” and you were like,
“Good idea, Dulcé.” – Yeah, exactly. And I knew that it had
to be about women, because this has been such
an incredible year for women. – It was terrible. This year has been terrible
for women.– It was a no-brainer to get
on board with this project.
I wanted to be a part
of the solution,
not the problem. Men been creepy
a long-ass time, and I wanna be here
to support women, like the underwire of a bra,
and just lift– oh, my God, I’m doing it too. Ay, you gonna cut that, right?
Please, just cut that, please. Y’all got me a hit, right? – Yes. Oh, it’s so good.
– You ready? – Yeah.
– Is it good? – Oh, it’s great.
– It’s so good. – You’re so amazing.
– Yeah, I’ve been writing– – You’re so good.
What you’ve been doing– what you’ve been doing…
– Thank you. – Once you see what I got–
– Has been great. – Thank you.
– Just you. – Thanks.
– No, but the two– we’ve been working–
– Just her. – Together–
– Just her. – Wait till you see
my lyrics, Roy. – Oh, my God.
Dulcé? Incredible voice.
Just a talent. I haven’t heard
anybody this natural since back when I discovered
Luther Vandross. You see her on that piano? [classical music playing] ♪ ♪ She learned thattoday.♪ ♪ Self-taught. That’s Prince-level [bleep]. We should be honored
to be in the presence of a musical genius like this. In our lifetime, a vocalist
like this will never– – This guy.
Bragging about me again. [chuckles] You know, I think the key is… treating your voice
like it’s an instrument. Like any other instrument.
A guitar. Um, an electric guitar. Piccolo. Hold on.I’ve been singing
my whole life,
from the time
I was a little kid.
And Dulcé has been
singing for– – I just started…today. – Well, lucky for you,
I’m a professional, so I will get you up to speed. [both flapping lips] But bigger.
[flaps lips loudly] – [flaps lips]
– And then, ha! Ha! – This is gonna
be a powerful song… for women.
– And black women. – [vocalizing] – Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that’s good. No, that’s good.
That’s good. You just–
but a little more like… [vocalizing off-key] ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ Ah! You always end with “ah!” Is that good? – Yeah, that–
that was great. A’ight, you ladies ready
to lay it down? – You ready? And here it is,
the world premiere of “Song For Women 2017.” – This is for you, ladies.[stirring piano chords]♪ ♪ – ♪ 2017 ♪ ♪ Mm-hmm-hmm ♪ – [whispers] Women.[mellow piano
and hip-hop beats]
♪ ♪– ♪ Started this year
marching hand in hand ♪♪ To show that pussy grabber
with a terrible tan ♪
– ♪ But everywhere I look ♪ [voice smoothing digitally]
♪ The lady resisted ♪ ♪ Tried to stop Lizzy ♪– ♪ Yet she persisted ♪– ♪ All around the world,
we’ve come so far ♪ ♪ Saudi women sitting
at the wheel of a ♪ ♪ Vehicle ♪ – ♪ PM, chancellor,
oh, we’ve reached ♪♪ South Korean women
even getting impeached ♪
both: ♪ What a year
for women ♪ ♪ It’s why
we’re singing ♪ ♪ Finally see
us women ♪ ♪ What a year
for women ♪– ♪ Wonder Woman set records
at the movies ♪
♪ Who knew you could direct
when you have boobies? ♪– ♪ On the charts,
Cardi B spittin’ the fire ♪
♪ Beyoncé had twins ♪♪ That’s a double messiah ♪– ♪ Megyn Kelly went
to NBC from Fox ♪
– ♪ 17 million
for a show that sucks ♪– ♪ Women all over
taking care of each other ♪
♪ And showing some love
to our sisters of color ♪ I can say that, right? [beat slows, stops] – Nope.[music resumes]
both: ♪ What a year ♪ ♪ For women ♪♪ It’s why
we’re singing ♪
♪ Finally see
us women ♪♪ In this year
of women ♪
– The old Harvey Weinstein can’t come to the phone
right now. Why?
Because… – ♪ This is the year
we all stood strong ♪ ♪ No one wants to see
your nasty-ass dong ♪ – ♪ Back off, all you
producers and actors ♪ ♪ End up in the trash
like “The O’Reilly Factor” ♪ – ♪ ‘Cause when you look
at the patriarchy ♪ – Hold up, hold up.
DJ Mansplain is here. I’ma tell y’all
what really happened this year. [rapping]
♪ Men are from Mars ♪ ♪ Women,
they’re from Venus ♪ ♪ Nobody likes a
surprise penis ♪ ♪ But maybe you asked for it ♪ ♪ It’s kind of on you ♪ ♪ We men are dumb ♪ ♪ We can’t control
what we do, uh! ♪ ♪ Too many men this year
acting like stalkers ♪ ♪ It makes me so sad ♪ ♪ I got a daughter ♪ ♪ And that’s all the time
I got to mansplain ♪ ♪ Time for the hook ♪ ♪ Yo, ladies,
hit that refrain ♪ ♪ Uh! ♪
– No. – We’re not doing that.
– Mm-mm. – Get the [bleep] out of here.
– Out. – Damn, man.
Trying to help, you know? – Yo, Hillary Clinton,
take us home. – [belting dramatically]both: ♪ What a year
for women ♪
♪ It’s why
we’re singing ♪
♪ Keeping it
feminine ♪♪ With this mess
we been in ♪
♪ Our lady dicks
are swinging ♪ ♪ Sick of all
this winning ♪ ♪ It’s the sound ♪ [fuses crackle]
– [off-key] ♪ We’re bringing ♪ ♪ What a year
for women! ♪ [vocalizing] [vocalizing continues] ♪ Yeah ♪♪ ♪– Hey, Trevor.
You wanted to see me? Whatever she said,
I didn’t touch her butt. – Wait, what? – Listen, whatever he said, I didn’t touch his butt. – Who’s–who’s touching butts?
Guys– [both talking at once] – Guys, no, um,
I just wanted to let you know that I’m sending you to Mexico. – What?
– [laughing] – [imitates air horn fanfare]
– [laughing] Where’s Dulcé going?
– Where’s he going? – No, no.
Together. You guys are going
to Mexico together. It’s like a team-building trip. You get to know each other
in Mexico. You’ll–
– Together? – Yeah.
You guys will have fun. – Together.
– Great. – No touching butts!– And while we thought that–
– Kosta, I got this.
– [groans]
– And while we thought
we were going
to Spring Break Mexico,
we were actually sent
to “Breaking Bad” Mexico.
– Damn, look at that shit.Oh, this isn’t–
[grunts] Jesus.“Go to Tijuana.
It’ll be fun,” they said.
You know?– But there’s
a reason we’re here.
– We’re here
to witness the start
of President Trump’sinnovative
and complex solution.
– The wall.
The wall. The wall. – What are you wearing? – I’m blending in. – You look like
a Cuban drug lord. – Okay, I guess
the team-building’s begun. – You look like an asshole
on vacation in Miami. – You know what?
Well, you look like on vacation in… Key West.Amazingly, this spot
in Tijuana
is the closest you can getto the prototypes.– So this is the wall.– In fact, we could get
pretty damn close.
This is what’s separating
Mexi– Mexico…USA. My nuts are in USA right now. – I don’t think your nuts
are that big.– Seeing these walls
up close and personal,
I realized I was witnessinga piece of American history.These are only
eight prototypes,
and we have around…
3,000 miles to cover. But… this is a great start.There were even
men testing them
to make sure
they were immigrant-proof,
but they seemed
to be struggling.
You look a little
stuck there! You want me to ask
some of these Mexicans if they can help? What if you made it out of ice so it’s slippery?– At least Trevor sent
one competent person
to talk to the locals
about the walls.
– [speaking Spanish]– Oh, okay.
If no one’s crossing,
then why did we spend
$4 million
on these giant Legos?– [speaking Spanish] – Tijuana…
fiesta…tequila, huh? – Shut up, shut up, shut up. – [speaking Spanish] – Oh! Ah,sorprendoso.
– [speaking Spanish]– But more importantly,
there’s already a virtual wall
of sensors, surveillance,
and drones.
– [speaking Spanish] – [speaking Spanish] – She was obviously
talking about how much she
likes my outfit, or what? – [speaking Spanish] – [speaking Spanish]– Claro, claro.– [speaking Spanish]– To hell with
this assignment.
first, Trevor sends us
to the wrong Mexico,
and then we learn that
building a wall is useless.
– And while we may not knowhow to bring down
a wall between countries,
there is a way to bring down
a wall between coworkers.
[festive music]
both: Tequila!
♪ ♪– See? The walls can
bring people together,
as long as they’re
not Mexican.
♪ ♪[lively trumpet music]♪ ♪– Last night,
the state of Alabama elected a Democratic senator for the first
time since 1992. And this happened
for a few reasons: ideological divisions
within the Republican party, suburban moderates turned off
by President Trump, uh–oh, and apparently, some people don’t like
accused kiddy-touchers, also. Uh, but there was one
really huge factor that you can’t ignore.reporter: Doug Jones was able
to pull off
this stunning upsetwith the help of a special
coalition of voters
in Alabama: African-Americans.– The biggest factor was huge African-American
turnout. – Black voters were a bigger
share of the vote yesterday than they were in the 2012
presidential race. – They turned out more
for Doug Jones than they did for Barack Obama.
– Right. – You just can’t put
a finer point on it. – For more
on Alabama’s election, we turn now to our very own
Dulcé Sloan, everybody! [cheers and applause] – Hello! – So, Dulcé, big turnout last night
by black people. – Not just black people.
Black women. [cheers and applause] Did you know 50% more
black women voted yesterday than black men? In fact,98% of black womenvoted against Roy Moore.98%! The only thing 98%
of black women agree on is no Roy Moore,
Idris Elba is fine as hell,anddo not get our hair wet. [laughter] So this happened
because of us: black women. – Wow.
Um… [cheers and applause]
But you say, uh… – [mouthing words]
– You say–you say “us,” but did you–
did you vote in Alabama? – No, I didn’t. But do you have another
black woman on this show you can thank? [laughter] So on behalf
of all black women… I’m taking a victory lap–
you know, but these titties don’t run. – And–and you know what,
Dulcé? People are saying thank you
to black women. You know, online.
You saw it. It must be nice to see black women’s contributions
finally recognized. – Yes! Yes, it is! We’ve been through so much! And you’re welcome,
white people, you’re welcome. But let’s be honest.
We didn’t do it for you. We did it for ourselves. No black woman casts her vote
going, “This one’s for Scott!” [bleep] Scott. – [laughs] – So if you really
wanna thank us, how about y’all change the laws to make it easier
for us to vote? Or sing our praises
by giving us raises. Or, at the very least,
cancel winter. You know only
white people like snow. – Those are–
those are fair points, Dulcé. So, you know what,
let’s move on and analyze last night’s
election. – Analyze?
[stammers] Uh, no. Black women don’t
have time to analyze. We gotta get more shit done. Fix net neutrality, healthcare,
and binge watch “Empire.” I’m out!♪ ♪[cheers and applause]– Good evening.
I’m Dulcé Sloan. – And I’m Desi Lydic. Tonight, the story of Willie Mae
“Big Mama” Thornton, a trailblazer whose trail
was left brutally un-blazed. – What?
– It’s the story of a forgotten woman,
never given her due. – Why didn’t you just
say that the first time? – I don’t know.Growing up near
Montgomery, Alabama,
Willie Mae always
had a passion for singing.
– ♪ I love to sing ♪ ♪ I love to sing ♪– At the young age of 15,she won a singing contest…
– Ooh! [giggles]– And eventually
signed a record deal.
– But one day,
her life changed forever
when she was approached
by some writers
with a little song
you may know
called “Hound Dog.”– I need for it
to be raunchier. You know?
Like, uh… like, something in the–
if you could shimmy your breasts, maybe.
One or the other. Preferably both
at the same time.– But she had
her own style in mind.
Or… what if I did it this way? Just… ♪ You ain’t nothing
but a hound dog ♪ ♪ Just snoopin’
’round my door ♪ – God damn. [sniffles]
That is so beautiful. – Thank you, white man.
Thank you. – Willie Mae’s soulful
rendition of “Hound Dog” told the story
of a good-for-nothing man who wants to be taken care of. It was like
the great-grandmother of “No Scrubs.” – See, a scrub is a guy
who thinks he’s sly, and– – If I know,
I think everyone knows.– In 1953, Big Mama Thornton’s
“Hound Dog”
reached number one
on the R and B chart.
But it never crossed over
to the pop chart
because it was seen
as a “race record,”
which is a not-so-not-racist
way of saying “black music.”
– Willie Mae was shafted,
but what she didn’t know was that there was an even
bigger shaft headed her way. – And not the good kind.See, even though
mainstream society
wasn’t quite ready
to embrace this sound
in this package…– A few years later,her precious,
soulful “Hound Dog”
found a new owner:a rising talent
who was introduced
to the song
by a Vegas lounge act
and decided to put
his own spin on it.
♪ You ain’t nothing
but a hound dog ♪ ♪ Cryin’ all the time ♪ What a cool song
about dogs, huh? [fans screaming]
– By the way,
that really happened.
– Look at that dog.
He’s like, “Man, why’d you
bring me into this shit?”
– Elvis’s version
of “Hound Dog” was a huge smash and completely eclipsed
Willie Mae’s version. While Elvis didn’t
steal the song, he did benefit from a system
that ensured his music reached a wider audience. – You see, Elvis… was a white man. – [quietly] Whaaat?Elvis went on to becomeone of the greatest icons
of all time,
but despite it all,
Willie Mae never lost her gift
for expressing emotion
in song.
– ♪ This is some bullshit ♪ ♪ Some real, real bullshit ♪ [fans screaming] Y’all want him to sing that
to a dog too? Ole jumpsuit-wearing,
hip-swiveling mother– – [bleep]. Willie Mae Thornton
was a talented artist who launched an iconic song, only to have
her legacy washed away. But we remember her, and you can’t wash this away. Go ahead, Dulcé.
Show ’em yours. – Uh, I told you
I wasn’t doing that. You know,
she had too many names. That’s all for this week. Tune in next time to hear
about a woman so talented, so promising, her vagina
almost didn’t get in the way. – Almost.[dramatic music][bass-heavy rock music]♪ ♪– Well, for years,
911’s been handling calls that, it turns out,
aren’t actual emergencies. – So we came up with a program
to help white people decide if their emergency
was an actual emergency. We hired a black operator. – 911.
What’s your emergency?– I’m on the train,
and these black people
are talking,
and it’s loud
and I think there
could be a fight.
– Okay, sir,
so let me get this straight. You called 911 because
black people were talking loud?– Uh, yeah, I–I guess.– Okay, good.
Here’s what I need you to do. Stand up,
walk to the window, and throw your bitch ass
off that train.– No, he’s just walking
down the sidewalk,
but it feels threatening.– [clicks tongue] Girl, bye. – Is she a bit unorthodox?
Yes. But it’s been efficient, and she’s almost
entirely professional. Almost. – So you’re saying he’s
a 6’4″ African-American male, broad shoulders,
driving a Benz? I need you to look
closely at him. Is he wearing a wedding ring?– Uh, no.– Stay right there.
I’m on my way. Hold on, girl.♪ ♪– Yesterday–
yesterday, we learned that in January,
O’Reilly had to pay $32 million of his own money to settle a sexual
harassment suit. But according to O’Reilly,
it’s not what it looks like. – Bill O’Reilly going
on offense, defending himself in the wake
of new bombshells tied to the sexual harassment
allegations he’s faced. – You know…am I mad at God?
Yeah, I’m mad at Him. I wish I had more protection. I wish this stuff
didn’t happen. I can’t explain it to you. Yeah, I’m mad at Him. – Wow. He’s mad at God? [chuckling] He’s mad at God
for not protecting him? This is one of those times that I wish we could hear
what God has to say.[thunder rumbles][heavenly chorus sings]Oh, wow! [cheers and applause] – Muah! Muah!
– Whoa! It’s God, everybody! It’s God! Ladies and gentlemen,
it’s God. I can’t believe this! – Hello! – Ladies and gentlemen,
give it up for God. [cheers and applause] – I came to talk about
why Bill O’Reilly and why he dragged my ass
into his drama. – What do you mean,
why he dragged your ass. You–you’re saying
you had nothing to do with what happened
to Bill O’Reilly? – Yeah.
In fact, I’ve had nothing to do
with humans– any of y’all, basically–
since, uh, the “Titanic.” – The “Titanic”? – Yeah, that–
that was on me. Uh… they were bragging
about it like, “God Himself
could not sink this ship.” And I was like, “Oh! What about
these icebergs, though?” [cheers and applause] Huh? You want water? How about some
frozen water, bitch? Let’s go! So I decided to step away
from the game for a while. – I–I get it.
You felt bad. [stammers]
But if you stepped away, then what brings you back? – I came down to tell
Bill O’Reilly to keep my name
out of his mouth! [cheers and applause] Do it! Bill O’Reilly did this
to himself, and now he’s mad at me? Hasn’t this cooch monster ever heard of personal
responsibility? Ugh! Creepy old man. [cheers and applause] Actually, I know he has.
I got the tapes. – Personal responsibility. That’s what it’s all about.
– I had– – ‘Cause I’m being a big
personal responsibility guy, you know… The greater good is served by more personal
responsibility. Personal responsibility
is not wiped away because your circumstance
is bad– – Yeah, that’s right. I got Roku, bitch. – From Your mouth
to your ears. God, everybody.

80 thoughts on “The Best of Dulcé Sloan – The Border Wall, Doug Jones’s Upset & Black 911 Operators | The Daily Show

  1. In his very limited defense he always did think that singing to the dog thing was stupid.

  2. She is funnier in stand-ups, which means you guys have to let her do wot she wants.

  3. I truly hope she gets the opportunity to go further and do more (also come to jacksonville fl!!) I honestly feel as though she's like a friend/cousin/even sister. Same build, demeanor and all. It's so nice to see someone who looks like me doing well and being positive, and not just instantly cast in the stereotypical format (black,fat,loud, etc.) LOVE YOU SLOAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. Seriously the hole act about God is despicable, I love comdey and all and orilly is stupid and just outright despicable but seriously now just out of taste

  5. So her name is Dulce and she can speak Spanish pretty well. Doesn’t necessarily mean anything but I’m just curious, is there some Latina up in her?

  6. This lady could lose a few and be an absolute stunner; but as she is, she probably could charm the pants off most men, including myself. That's technically a part of the male experience, and I can respect the hell outta that since I used to be 320+ lbs myself

  7. Lmao no just you, just dulcé and here goes the white lady trying to take credi lmao

  8. 6’4’’ African man… is he wearing a wedding ring? Hold on I’m on my way!!! 😂

  9. Bill O'Reily is mad at God for not protecting him? Because he got caught for being a sexual predator and a horny dickhead? The fuck? You brought it to yourself you old, white privileged idiot.

  10. I like that braid in God's beard. Its a nice touch 😂

  11. 17:57 Who knew God was an African-American woman with an afro and a grey beard?

  12. Megan Kelly is calling the network because remember, god is a… white…. man. Then they have Dulce Sloan as god. lmao

  13. 4:27 – that dude's part is scripted to portray all men like idiots!

    Women movie directors, heh?

  14. oh wonder why "these titties aint runnin", oh yeah since she's morbidly obese ._.

  15. Rose McGowan or whatever her name is did NOT bring Harvey Weinstein down!!!!! It was the young lady who let the Police wire her!

  16. @11:02 "…these titties don't run" !? "Titties"!? Seriously?! They're bigger than your head, afro included!

  17. The prototypes for the wall look like…drive-in-movie screens? Well, that would be interesting, on both sides. But they'd only make money on the concessions.

  18. YOU ROCK, DULCE ! ! U REMIND ME OF ALL THE REASONS WHY I DIG THE COMPANY OF ME BLACK CHICK FRIENDS SO MUCH: YOU/THEY ALWAYS, ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH! NEVER DO U PLAY NO NONSENSE BS BABY GAMES! YOU ARE STRONG, CONFIDENT & BODY & SEX–POSITIVE, NO MATTER WHAT SIZE! YOUR FACT-BASED ACERBIC WIT CUTS THRU ALL THE CRAP! LOVE IT, GIRL KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK ! ! ! I ALWAYS THOUGHT GOD WAS A BIG BLACK WOMAN LIKE AUNT JEMIMA !!! SO U WERE SO PERFECT FOR THAT PART FOR ME HAHA ! ~MUCH LOVE & RESPECT #TRISTA4Guvna2020

  19. I like how they recognized that nobody but Dulce had the raw aggression to play god

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