Trump Plays Tough Guy With China


WELCOME, ONE AND ALL, TO “THE
LATE SHOW.” I’M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. LOOK, DOES ANYONE–
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I HAVE AN IMPORTANT, IF PERSONAL
QUESTION: DOES ANYONE HERE USE MONEY? A COUPLE OF PEOPLE DO. OKAY. IF SO, YOU MIGHT WANT TO RETHINK
PUTTING IT IN THE STOCK MARKET AND INVEST IN SOMETHING MORE
TABLE OVER USEFUL IN THE AFTER-TIMES, LIKE
POTABLE WATER, OR SHEEP, OR FLAME-THROWING GUITARS, BECAUSE
IT WAS A ROUGH DAY ON THE STOCK MARKET TODAY. THE DOW ENDED THE DAY DOWN 473
POINTS. AND I THINK WE HAVE FOOTAGE OF
THE CLOSING BELL:( CLOSING BELL MIXED WITH “PRIC
IS RIGHT” DISAPPOINT THEME )
HERE’S WHAT CAUSED THE PLUNGE:
YOU SEE, TRUMP HAS BEEN TRYING TO GET A TRADE DEAL WITH CHINA,
AND THIS IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE CHINA’S PRINCIPLE EXPORT IS… EVERYTHING YOU OWN. CHINESE TRADE NEGOTIATORS WERE
SCHEDULED TO ARRIVE IN WASHINGTON FOR TALKS TOMORROW. RIGHT? TOMORROW. THINGS WERE LOOKING GOOD, BUT
THEN ON SUNDAY, TRUMP TWEETED THIS:
( AS TRUMP )
“FOR TEN MONTHS, CHINA HAS BEEN
PAYING TARIFFS TO THE U.S.A. OF 25% ON $50 BILLION OF HIGH TECH,
AND 10% ON $200 BILLION OF OTHER GOODS. THESE PAYMENTS ARE PARTIALLY
RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR GREAT ECONOMIC RESULTS. THE 10% WILL GO UP TO 25% ON
FRIDAY. $325 BILLIONS DOLLARS, DOT, DOT,
DOT.” OKAY, I’M GOING TO STOP RIGHT
THERE AND POINT OUT THAT THE MAN WHO CONTROLS OUR ECONOMIC
FUTURE, HAS IT IN THE PALM OF HIS HANDS, SAYS “BILLIONSES
DOLLAR.”( AS TRUMP )
“LOOK, LOOK, CHINA, IF I DON’T GETS MY MONEYS, MY BILLIONS
DOLLARS, THERE’S GOING TO BE TROUBLES. DON’T MAKE ME PUT MY RINGS ON.” BUT TRUMP ASSURED THE AMERICAN
PEOPLE( AS TRUMP )
“THE TARIFFS PAID TO THE U.S.A. HAVE HAD LITTLE IMPACT ON
PRODUCT COST, MOSTLY BORNE BY CHINA.” OF COURSE, TRUMP IS LYING IN
THAT TWEET, AND HERE’S HOW YOU KNOW… HE’S THE ONE SAYING IT. ALSO, ALL THE–
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
SURE. ALSO, U.S.-BASED COMPANIES PAY
THE ADDITIONAL MONEY AND OFTEN END UP PASSING THESE COSTS ON TO
AMERICAN CONSUMERS. SO HE’S WILLING TO TANK THE
ECONOMY JUST TO LOOK LIKE A TOUGH GUY WITH CHINA.( AS TRUMP )
“HEY, CHINA, WANNA SEE HOW STRONG I AM? WELL, STAND BACK WHILE I PUNCH
MYSELF IN THE FACE. HERE IT COMES.” NOW–
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
“IT’S OKAY, I’VE GOT ALL THIS
PADDING.” NOW, TRUMP’S THREAT TO RAISE
TARIFFS WAS NOT WELL RECEIVED BY THE CHINESE. THEY ISSUED THIS OFFICIAL
GOVERNMENT RESPONSE: “DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.”( LAUGHTER )
NO WORRIES THERE. HE DOES NOT THINK. CHINESE SOCIAL MEDIA–
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
CHINESE SOCIAL MEDIA CIRCULATED
A MEME OF TRUMP AS THANOS. GREAT, GREAT! SO NOW I WON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT
TRUMP’S DOING UNLESS I WATCH “ANT MAN AND THE WASP.”( LAUGHTER )
BUT THE BIG STORY IS EVERYTHING THAT’S NOT HAPPENING IN
WASHINGTON. ON THURSDAY, ATTORNEY GENERAL
WILLIAM BARR DID NOT APPEAR BEFORE THE HOUSE JUDICIARY
COMMITTEE, WHERE HE DID NOT HAVE TO ANSWER QUESTIONS ABOUT ALL
THE THINGS HE DID NOT DISCLOSE ABOUT THE MUELLER REPORT, WHICH
DID NOT EXONERATE THE PRESIDENT. SO, IN SHORT, WE HAVE A
FUNCTIONING DEMOCRACY– NOT.( LAUGHTER )
THE HOUSE JUDICIARY COMMITTEE ALSO SUBPOENAED THE RECORDS OF
FORMER WHITE HOUSE COUNSEL AND MAN INDICATING WHO DEALT IT,
( LAUGHTER )
DON McGAHN. NOW, McGAHN’S TESTIMONY TO
ROBERT MUELLER IS WHERE MANY OF THE EXAMPLES OF OBSTRUCTION IN
THE MUELLER REPORT COME FROM. THAT’S WHY THE HOUSE WANTS
McGAHN’S DOCUMENTS. BUT THIS MORNING, THE “WHITE
HOUSE ORDERED McGAHN NOT TO COMPLY WITH THE CONGRESSIONAL
SUBPOENA.” CLEARLY, THEY’RE AFRAID OF WHAT
HIS PAPERS WILL REVEAL, BECAUSE YOU KNOW THE OLD SAYING: IF YOU
DON’T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY, YOU PROBABLY WORKED FOR DONALD
TRUMP.( LAUGHTER )
OF COURSE, THE BIG QUESTION, THE BIG–
( APPLAUSE )
CHILLY. CHILLY. IT’S FROSTY IN HERE TONIGHT. THE BIG QUESTION REMAINS WILL
ROBERT MUELLER TESTIFY? AND THE BIG ANSWER REMAINS,
AND THE BIG ANSWER REMAINS, “I DUNNO.” TRUMP HAS TWEETED HE DOESN’T
WANT MUELLER TO TESTIFY, WHILE ATTORNEY GENERAL BILL BARR HAS
INDICATED REPEATEDLY THAT HE WOULD ALLOW MUELLER TO TESTIFY. AND THAT’S IMPORTANT, BECAUSE AS
THE HEAD OF THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT AND MUELLER’S BOSS,
BARR COULD ATTEMPT TO BLOCK THE TESTIMONY IF HE CHOOSES. OKAY, HE CAN DO THAT. JUST LIKE HOW, AS A CBS
EMPLOYEE, MY BOSSES CAN BLOCK ME FROM GOING ON “NAKED AND
A AFRAID, EVEN THOUGH– EVEN THOUGH, I AM BOTH OF THOSE
THINGS, AT LEAST TWICE A DAY. NOW– OFTEN AT THE SAME TIME. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
OFTEN AT THE SAME TIME.>>Jon: AT THE SAME TIME, WHY
IS THAT? OH,IA.>>Stephe: NO WONDER TRUMP WANTS
EVERYONE TO DROP THIS MUELLER STUFF. MOST PEOPLE IT TURNS OUT DON’T
BELIEVE HE WAS “TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY EXONERATED.” IN FACT, JUST 50% OF FOX NEWS
VIEWERS BUY TRUMP’S CLAIM THE MUELLER REPORT CLEARED HIM. THEY DON’T KNOW WHETHER TO
BELIEVE THE PRESIDENT. THAT’S AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS FOR
FOX VIEWERS. AND THAT DEEP UNCERTAINTY HAS
STARTED SHOWING UP IN ADS LIKE, “I’M NOT EVEN SURE THIS IS MY
PILLOW.”( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
BUT– “HAVE YOU CHEATED ON ME! HAVE YOU CHEATED ON ME!”
BUT IT’S NOT JUST MUELLER. TRUMP REFUSES TO COOPERATE WITH
CONGRESS ON ANYTHING. FOR INSTANCE, LAST NIGHT, WE GOT
A BIG ANNOUNCEMENT FROM TREASURY SECRETARY AND MAN TRYING TO
DARTH VADER-STRANGLE A REPORTER, STEVE MNUCHIN. LAST NIGHT, MNUCHIN REJECTED
HOUSE DEMOCRATS’ DEMAND TO HAND OVER TRUMP’S TAX RETURNS.( AS MNUCHIN )
“YOU CAN HAVE HIS TAX RETURNS WHEN YOU PRY THEM FROM MY COLD,
DEAD HANDS. RIGHT NOW, THEY’RE JUST COLD.”( LAUGHTER )
SO, TRUMP DOESN’T WANT MUELLER TO TESTIFY. WE CAN’T SEE McGAHN’S NOTES. WE CAN’T SEE TRUMP’S TAXES. SO FAR, THE ONLY THING TRUMP’S
NOT COVERING UP IS JUST AROUND HIS EYES.( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
SURE, SURE. THAT’S WHAT’S GOING ON. THAT’S WHAT’S GOING ON.( AS TRUMP )
“LOOK, I’D SHOW YOU THE REST, BUT MY FACE IS UNDER AUDIT.”( LAUGHTER )
NOW, THEY DEMANDED TRUMP’S TAX RETURNS UNDER A 1924 LAW
STIPULATING THAT THE SECRETARY “SHALL FURNISH” SUCH RECORDS TO
CONGRESSIONAL COMMITTEES. “SHALL.” YOU KNOW IT’S IMPORTANT WHEN YOU
SAY “SHALL.” ONLY GOD USE “SHALL,” OKAY. “SHALL” RARELY SEEN OUTSIDE OF
STONE TABLETS. BUT MNUCHIN CLAIMED THE REQUEST
“LACKS A LEGITIMATE LEGISLATIVE PURPOSE.” WELL, THERE YOU GO. THERE YOU GO. HE STOPS IT. HE STOPS IT. CONGRESS WANTS IT, THEY’VE GOT
THE LAW, AND IT DOESN’T HAPPEN BECAUSE IT’S RIGHT THERE IN THE
CONSTITUTION:( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
YEAH, YEAH. “NO, NO, YOU CAN’T HAVE IT.”( LAUGHTER )
THE “NUCH” CONTINUED, “THE DEPARTMENT IS, THEREFORE, NOT
AUTHORIZED TO DISCLOSE THE REQUESTED RETURNS.” AGAIN, THIS IS CONGRESS’ JOB TO
DECIDE, NOT MNUCHIN’S. THERE’S A REASON TRIALS DON’T
END WITH THE JUDGE ASKING FOR A VERDICT FROM THE DEFENSE
ATTORNEY. “YOUR HONOR, I MAY JUST BE A
SIMPLE COUNTRY LAWYER, BUT I FIND MY CLIENT NOT GUILTY–
OBJECTION! SUSTAINED! BAILIFF, LOCK UP THE JUDGE! NO, YOU’RE OUT OF ORDER.” “DO YOUR DUTY.” SO TRUMP WON’T GIVE THE COEQUAL
BRANCH OF GOVERNMENT, CONGRESS, ANY OF THE THINGS THAT THEY HAVE
SUBPOENAED. WHAT CAN THE DEMOCRATS DO
ABOUT THAT? WELL, ONE SOLUTION IS TO IMPEACH
TRUMP, BUT THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT HE WANTS, ACCORDING TO THE
PERSON WHO COULD MAKE THAT HAPPEN.>>TRUMP IS GOADING US TO
IMPEACH HIM. THAT’S WHAT HE’S DOING. EVERY SINGLE DAY, HE’S JUST,
LIKE, TAUNTING, TAUNTING, TAUNTING.>>Stephen: (AS TRUMP)
“HEY, FANCY NANCY.( LAUGHTER )
WHAT? IS GROSSY PELOSI TOO SCARED TO
MAKE A SPEECHY ABOUT IMPEACHY? NANNY, NANNY, BOO-BOO. YOU WON’T DEFEND THE
CONSTI-TOO-TOO. BAWK, BAWK, BAWK, BAWK, BAWK,
BAWK.”

100 thoughts on “Trump Plays Tough Guy With China

  1. wow he does a good trump,,but trump is still the best president ever and will only get better

  2. well if we have to pay more for some items at least we have good jobs now to buy them lol

  3. trump is working hard everyday like all republicans,,while demobozos just fuck with trump and do nothing helpful to the usa like usual actually…

  4. FYI… USA will go bankrupt soon w/ all this trade wars. Tarriffs are made as a temporary bargaining tool , not a permanent solution. The country is losing billions of billions of dollars everyday and with Trump as your leader, good luck getting respect from the rest of the world now and after his presidency. When does the facts and truth matter? It seems like it doesn't matter anymore if your an American.

  5. …and the Democrats will be just biden their time while they wait and see if the tariffs really work.

  6. MAGA! Suck it Colbert. Get a backbone. You know nothing about China.

  7. Are you political actors invading kids to know to make money, it’s cheaper to invade someone’s privacy and make money then to pay the actors that’s what I heard. Shame on you shame on you. Don’t worry it’ll catch up to you real soon.

  8. If American don't buy chinese goods,and then nobady will be pay the tariffs。so trump is right

  9. IF CHINA WERE TO COLLECT ALL THE MONEY THE U.S OWES TO THE CHINESE THE U.S DOES NOT HAVE THE MONEY TO PAY BACK

  10. lexas your an Imbecile….keep drinking the Koolaid! Stephen isn't funny either…Idiot!

  11. What Colbert is missing is that Mnuchin is basically arguing the law is unconstitutional, and Mnuchin is setting it up for a court dispute.

  12. mnuchin,Bolton,Kushner, barr..whats in commons they all Zionist terrorists

  13. As a Chinese, proudly, who studied in America for 8 years since high school, I love both China and America, but honestly, Americans should visit China more often and see how great China is now, most people, including Trump still have this old stereotype of China being poor and undeveloped. Go to China and check it out, you will be amazed by everything. And we Chinese never wanna be anyone’s enemy, all we want is friendship and people on this planet united together and develop together. I just dun get it why Trump is doing this, anyone who knows a little bit about economics will know what he is doing will only be harmful to the whole world, including Americans, and even may cause new financial crisis which may be worse than 2007/2008.

  14. Jokes on everyone, Trump is distracting the world from the kidnapped children and women who are caged and house. Only to be sold in an underground human trafficking organization. Sold to the highest bidder, like his wife Melania which he paid for. She only speaks when he let's her.

  15. How can such a immature guy become president of USA !!! Now I feel like even a 9 yr old can stand in election and win it!! Wow just WOW

  16. Welcome to Trumpville. My only consolation as we see our Constitution and economy trashed by Trump is that the idiotic 47 percent who voted for him will wake up in the same mad max world. But they will be too stupid to know that he did it to them.

  17. If you look closely you can literally see the puppet strings hanging from Colbert’s shoulders 😂

  18. The old saying : if you don't have anything nice to say, you probably worked for Donald Trump

  19. Don't American people realise that they pay the tariffs? Just curious.. You want to hurt china, don't buy Chinese…just as simple as that. But it doesn't seem like American companies are having a new rise in sales. So if the sales aren't local, consumption must be foreign, not saying just China. But apparently trump is after every other country including the EU

  20. i cant help but laugh at President Trump's stupid tweets. (OMG) He sounds like a retard even if he put a post on twitter page.

  21. Be interesting if one dermovate would actually study the facts. That will never happen.

  22. We hate Trump but why take China's side…. this is why liberalism does not win in the US. We need to get Trump out of office but it's ironic we slam him for buddying up with Russia…yet he takes China's side…. colbert and friends will get trump reelected.

  23. Trump is a complete moron. Is not hard to tell. Most of his supporters don't ever know why they supposed him they just jump on the van wagon and easy to brainwashed

  24. Tough??? Oh yea when u have all the back up sec ser,guards ect ect ,but when he is face to face w K J n PUTIN is all putty in their hands, thats all of a sisi bully.

  25. Even as Tariff Man, as Trump likes to refer to himself, focuses only on disruption, Beijing is evidently operating on a higher level. China is outplaying the United States on two fronts.

    First, while Trump is on the verge of slapping tariffs on almost everything the U.S. imports from China, Beijing is picking and choosing wisely. It went to town on American soybeans, in part because it knew that Brazil and Argentina could provide ample alternative supplies. But it has left untouched other American exports that are more difficult to replace. China could, for instance, force its state-owned airlines to immediately shift from buying Boeing to European-based Airbus, but those companies would run into trouble accessing the parts and services needed to keep their costly existing fleets running. Beijing has therefore mostly spared the aircraft sector from retaliation thus far.

    Second, Trump has no real mitigation strategy to help the Americans facing the entirely foreseeable costs of his policies. Yes, he’s giving out tens of billions of dollars in agricultural subsidies—but that is, of course, a cost borne by Americans, not international rivals. His separate trade restrictions on nearly $50 billion in steel and aluminum imports have only worsened the effects of his fight with China; these restrictions have burdened American farmers by raising the cost of the equipment needed for harvesting or storing the crops they are now unable to sell abroad. And he’s compounding this short-term pain with possible long-term damage to previously healthy international relationships: Those steel and aluminum tariffs have mostly targeted trade from allies such as Europe, Canada, and Japan—not China. He also conducted a needlessly contentious renegotiation of the North American Free Trade Agreement and has threatened tariffs on tens of billions of dollars’ worth of Japanese and European cars.

  26. Why would Nancy Pelosi follow the constitution when she doesn't even believe in it?

  27. Just about EVERYTHING Trump/Ivanka has produced is MADE in China and/or a 3rd World Country!

  28. fun fact, Mnuchin is executive producer of the lego movies, batman vs superman, suicide squad and wonder woman.

  29. I'm not a big fan of trump either but my God people who did you really want the lying bitch Hillary Clinton,who said during Benghazi at this point what does it matter , people died our people,well she said it nice and cozy in or nice big million dollar mansion she is out of touch and just did not give

  30. you will be missed when trump desides to get a swat team to kick down your door and shoot you

  31. We need a person who can explain the definition of tariff to Trump before he makes any other bad choices.

  32. Pelosi is right to hold off on impeachment, (1) because impeachment is political but not partisan, and (2) not legal either. The longer she holds off, the more pressure there is on the Republicans; so finally, it is the Republicans who will push Trump out of office, thus doing Pelosi's dirty work for her. The more the Republicans hang together, the more certain they are to hang together in Nov 2020. They can't possibly wait till Christmas or the New Year. They have to get rid of him now. They stand a better chance with Pence-Haley in the White House.

  33. Hey China! Wanna see how strong I am? Well stand back while I punch myself in the face! 😊

  34. The consumers ( Americans ) pay for those tariffs and Trump brags about not paying taxes lol shitty for you guys

  35. Steph lol haha you make trump ao so stupid. I love your trump and mnuchin voice. Hilarious

  36. It makes since Steven is scared and naked everyday usually at the same time. Most leftists are less attractive than the right, more than one poll has proven this, but if it scares him imagine his wife Evelyn. She may even have PTSD from the shocking visuals she has endured, but that's what happens when you marry for money instead of love. And before you start bashing I'm a libertarian not a republican, with that said fire away little trolls.

  37. trying to hold out hope this ends soon, but being patient is wearing thin. the lawbreaking and obstruction is so blatant, what else does pelosi need before the handcuffs come out?

  38. What happens when people do not know the laws of their own country except those they like to brag about? Trump becomes president and people support him; enough to keep him in office.

  39. If u show some 'face' to a chinese, he'll show u respect in return. It's called being civil n civilized.

  40. These politicians forget they will be written about in history one day. Trump will be a fuck of a chapter, but think of Pelosi. The gutless moron that muzzled screaming Americans up to shooting deaths, and still sits on her hands posturing like an idiot. I worry being this close to your border. You guys don't got this. I'd suggest asking UN as a People if none of your leaders can grow some backbone already. Don't forget you finance UN and all those murderous agencies. Use them for once.

  41. Cable, be careful, you are in the age of idiocracy and low I.Q's. The mission is to find Forge, he holds the codes and information.

  42. Drumpf is using the TARIFF money to Build His WALL! He knows how to "Launder" Money so it would be so easy to re-route it so no.one realizes it! If anyone even wonders WHY Drumpf never mentions the "WALL" much any more (doesn't want to draw attention to what he's really doing) then if investigated I'm sure we Would Find Out!

  43. well if he's taunting you, MAKE IT HAPPEN ALREADY! call his damn bluff. getting sick of that guy, and I'm not even in america…

  44. also, fellas, stop with the political talk. you don't need to talk politics to talk about how unfit your president is for the job. though there's still the question of why. is he being deliberately misinformed and drugged to seem an imbecile, or are we seeing him as he is? either way, things need to be set right…and as long as y'all talk 'left/right' nothing will get done. case in point; the arguably worst person to ever enter the most important room in your country is still sitting there.

  45. Patience is key. And we need to work hard together to get through things the right way with confidence, education and the will power to get up and move Sir.

  46. Steve Mnuchin? You mean the lava rich sex volcano? The hypnoyic California 10?

  47. Deja vu, closing the government to get a wall, and duping employees, what's next? start a war for not getting the highest profit from the arms race he so badly wants to start for "profit"?

  48. Smh all the work other administrators have done down the toilet this dude do not know how to govern shit

  49. The scene: Beside the couch in the Oval Office with pillow and blanket, 2AM. Spanky McBonespurs in his tighty-whities (or boxers? depends) perched on a footstool in front of (one foot away from) a 72" flatscreen playing edited video of his actual inauguration speech intercut with Obama's actual crowd. It's the only light in the room. He's stuffing his face with Big Macs, the Presidential Seal carpet is strewn with balled up wrappers and boxes, and between gulps, he's humming "Hail To The Chief"… "Dum dumdy dum, dumdy dumdy dumdy dum dum, Dum[knocking on the door interrupts him] What? You're here to arrest me? YOU'RE FIRED! Dum dumdy dum dumdy dum dedum dedum, Dum dumd[knocking on the door interrupts him] What? You're here to arrest me? YOU'RE FIRED! Dum dumdy dum dumdy d[knocking sound replaced by SWAT team with a battering ram…] umdy YOU CAN'T DO THIS! I'M YOUR KING! I COMMAND YOU TO LIE DO-wait-STAND DOWN …" [ sounds of struggle: audio lost in static.]

    The original idea for the above one-person, one-act play: a late-night horror movie host from either Channel 11 or 13 out of Tacoma in 1974. Sorry, don't recall the station call sign, I know it wasn't Seattle's KIRO "Count Floyd" clone (who was AWESOME, make no mistake!) (Doctor [someone], I want to say … he was hilarious!) but whatever the station, the thing went dark immediately following. I'm certain they were related: I am not so clear on causality. Nixon was scarier because he was deliberately malicious. Spanky's just narcissistic, racist, xenophobic, illiterate, a pathological liar, extra narcissistic, (did I mention racist? Add extra racist to that, too) and incredibly INCREDIBLY INCREDIBLY dim.

    If you're not familiar with "Hail To The Chief" — https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hq8HzYcEBh8

  50. P.S you can't make other ppl due what you want them to do …if they offer ok if not dont try to make em ..

  51. This guy should run for president
    as he talks the talk so why doesn’t
    he run ! I know that he sure puts
    our president down every time he
    breaths about Washington and
    puts our country down along with
    the fake audience applause !

  52. Trump has nothing to fight China with regardless of how strong he thinks the U.S is. President Xi's strategy is millions of miles away from Trump's comprehension

  53. OMG Where is agent orange going to buy his suits and everything sold in his golf shops????

  54. Stephen knock it off, you are not being the Christian you should be as a Catholic! Trump is a sick man. Think of or (as Catholic) think of our Commdments)

  55. 5:30 I love the little conversations he has with his African American… Friend 😆

  56. Trump has a plan against immigration !!! He will destroy US so nobody is willing to go there !!!
    Its genius !!!!

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