We now return to Varsity High. So I go look. – I’m the starting quarterback.
– Right, right. – I have three symmetrical testers.
– Yes, you do. – And I’m never gonna die.
– Hell no! – So everyone–
– A-ahem… Samanda? What do you want? I took a pregnancy test, Clint. You’re gonna be a father! Varsity High will return after these important messages. YouTubers often make mistakes. We put out a bad video, sell out for branding content, or tweet something insensitive. And often times, the back-clash could lead to severe mental and emotional breakdowns. But not for me!
Because I use Xanax for YouTubers. I don’t care when somebody says “Smosh ran out of ideas,” or “What happened to the hot one?” Because thanks to Xanax for YouTubers, I haven’t felt emotion in years! Failures don’t matter to me, and of course, successes don’t either! Xanax for YouTubers; I’m dead inside. Mike-In-The-Bag, we’re a new kind of fast food. Open up our bag and find out why! *gasps* AAAHHHH! Is that a dead body?! *laughs* That’s right! Burgers! Mike-In-The-Bag; the burgers are triangles! You’ve heard of Kidz Bop! Which takes naughty songs and make some appropriate for kids! But now we’re taking kids songs and making them naughty for adults. Get ready for, Adult Bop! Adult Bop! Rocks! You can’t have just one! Aye, party people!
It’s your boy, Pitbull! Check it! Mr. Worldwide got Latin hip-hop, on lock! Worldwide!
But now, I’m doing my own restaurant thing! I call it, Pitbull’s Grill Pit! When you come to Pitbull’s Grill Pit, you can use the PItbull Ball Pit! So your kids could do kids sh*t, while you sit-pat and eat the Pitbull Grill Pit’s Grits Bowl & Ribs Rack! And if your pet is literally a Pitbull, we got the Pitbull Grill Pit Pit Bull Pet Pit! So your Pitbull can chill and do Pitbull bullsh*t! So take it for me, Mr. Worldwide! We’re pitting against Pitbulls Real Pit! Party party! *inaudible. yeh, he’s talking so fast aaah!* And if you come into Pitbull’s Grill Pit, and your name is Brad Pitt, I will not serve you! Get out of my store! k thank god i’ve made it. We now return to Varsity High. So what’s it gonna be, Clint? Are you gonna be a father? Or are you gonna be a little bitch? You have to choose, and you have to choose now! Yeah, what’s it gonna be? I choose… Neither! – What?!
– Because your pregnancy test, is actually a meat thermometer! And my sperm count is way too low to ever pregnant someone! Boom! Burgers, anyone? *both in unison* AAAAAHHHHH! Mike-In-The-Bag. *both in unison* The burgers are triangles! You’re gonna be a father! *laughs* Why are you looking at me that close? *laughs* What was that? I haven’t felt emotion in years! I — f*ck! Oowiee, my ear!
I hit my ear! We got the Pitbull Pet Pit! Well you sit back, and sit-pat, and eat that Pitbull — *messed up* Grits Bull Pppprrrrrroooooouuuuuu! *chuckles* Well, I do love rocks! If you want to see Every Workout Ever, click the box on the left. And if you want to see Expectations versus Reality in 2019, click that box on the right. And if you will excuse me, I’ve got some rocks to go play with. *weird chuckle* Rocks!